Terror To Triumph
Childhood trauma is a taboo subject in that it's deeply emotional for people to learn, talk, and comprehend it. However, healing, true healing, can't come from silence. This podcast digs in to the emotions and reveals the symptoms of what can lead to childhood trauma, AND the tell tell signs that can alert us that something is wrong with the youths in our homes, schools, churches, or wherever. Whether it's physical, mental, verbal, or sexual abuse, this podcast takes a brave head on approach to tackle the difficult subject matters while providing the audience a platform to vent, and reach out for help.
Terror To Triumph
"Sustaining Trust – Long-Term Healing" (SERIES FINALE) PART 1
Episode 8 was packed with so much information on how we survivors have to work to maintain our self trust while being vulnerable with others that we had to split the episode to continue on next weeks show!
www.youtube.com/@TERRORTOTRIUMPHLIVE
Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to Terror to Triumph. I am Alfonso Pelt, and with me is Storm. We are here for the final episode of our four-part miniseries on trust. Over the past month, we've taken you on a journey. We've talked about rebuilding trust with yourself, the foundation. We've explored five practices you can start today. We've looked at how trust falters. We identified the patterns, the warning signs, the cracks that show up when trust is breaking down. We walked through step-by-step processes of actually rebuilding trust with someone after it's been broken. Tonight we're bringing it all together. We're talking about what happens after the rebuild. How do you sustain trust? How do you protect yourself without shutting down? What does healthy long-term trust actually look like for survivors of childhood abuse, you and me? Here's what I want you to know as we start. This episode is the beacon of light. If you follow the steps we've outlined, there is a where there is a I'm sorry, this is where they would lead to a life where you trust yourself, where you make healthier decisions, where your relationships are built on solid ground, where you can lean back and say, I know what I'm capable of, and I know the steps I'm taking will lead me to a healthier life. Storm, so far, what have you gotten through the mini-series?
SPEAKER_00:Setting boundaries, you know, because and when people break your boundaries, then you know that you have to just push yourself to the side. You have to go ahead and push that person to the side because if they're breaking the boundaries that you have set for, then it's not gonna work. So you have to remember to set your boundaries, and if you people cross your boundaries, you have to know that it's time for you to leave.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. We are at least I am having some technical difficulties. I see Storm's mic is working, and that means you guys are probably hearing her where I cannot. So I'm not going to stop the podcast for that, and I'm not going to delay. Uh, we will keep forward and we will keep going. Let's start by painting a picture of what we are really actually building toward. What does healthy long-term trust look like for us survivors? Well, healthy trust means you trust your own judgment, you make decisions based on your values and instincts, not based on fear or what others think. You believe in yourself, and when you make a mistake, you learn from it without spiraling into shame, you know, because us survivors can be the hardest, harshest critics of ourselves. So if you follow those steps that we provided you in the last three episodes, that will lead you to a place where these things can happen, where you can trust yourself. You could be vulnerable without fear, you can share your feelings, your struggles, your needs without constantly bracing for rejection or betrayal. Vulnerability feels risky, but it's not dangerous, and that's something we've all cringed to think about. What if they find out? What what if what if they think this? What if they think that we think the worst of every situation? But because we're making the worst of it, that doesn't mean that's what it is. You can have healthy boundaries. You know what you need, and you can communicate it clearly. You can say no without guilt. You can say yes when you mean it, and you protect your energy and your peace. To break that down a little bit, you know, we try not to say no a lot because we don't want conflict, we don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, we don't want others to experience rejection like we experience rejection. Is all these things that play in our head as we try to mold ourselves into something everybody else likes so that we can avoid any disruption in our lives, any conflict. But saying though, empowers us. It gives us the right to have our boundaries, the right to feel emotional when we should. It gives us the right to stand up for ourselves and speak out when necessary. So when you say no to something, sometimes you'll feel this fear, like how can I explain this? Somebody asks you something, you know it's a foolish thing they might have asked you for, and you don't want to do it, and you say no, and you feel fear reprisal by that person, whether it's B-rating or it's accusational, or whether it's physical, or whatever the case might be. But you can say no without feeling it's your fault for denying somebody else something. It's not it's not even about that, it's about your right to set boundaries for what you want. For you to have your peace and your comfortability, and you have the right to deny anybody to violate that. You you have the right to tell people no. Let me get let me get$15, let me get$50, let me get$100. No, you don't have to feel guilty about that. Well, I'm I'm gonna lose my friend if I don't. No. No, if this if that's the case, the person's weren't your friend in the first place. So you already know that you can trust yourself, and if you can trust yourself and you can trust your own judgment, and when you say no, trust yourself that you'll make it through it, and you will have your peace. You could choose people wisely. That followed right into the next step, didn't it? You're not drawn to dysfunction anymore because you have your peace, you're drawn to keeping your peace now. So you start to recognize red flags early. You choose people who are consistent, reliable, and genuinely care about your well-being. Excuse me. Surrounding yourself with people like that lets you able to relax, and that's huge. You're not constantly scanning for danger, you're not hyper-vigilant, you could be present right in the moment, you can enjoy the moments without waiting for them to fall apart. And now something we started talking about since episode one, believing things, not believing rather, things good things could last. You start to believe that good things can last. Your nervous system has been rewired to learn that safety is possible, that love can be stable, and that trust can hold. It doesn't mean that you're naive. It means that you just changed your set point. You can recover from disappointment. When someone lets you down, you don't immediately assume they're untrustworthy or that you're unworthy. You can have a conversation, you can work through it, you can stay. It's up to you. Or you know, you know your worth, and it's not dependent on what others think or say or feel, and you can walk. Your value doesn't rise or fall based on how others treat you, you know who you are, and that knowledge protects protects you. This is what we're building toward, not perfection, not a life without challenges, because hey hey, life is not perfect, and we uh all the time. A life a foundation, not the exception, that's worth fighting for. Which one of these resonates most with you? Where you want to be? Trying to see if your mic is working, hopefully.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Oh, can you hear me? Okay. Well, what resonates with me is when you can you have set the boundaries, there's respect the boundaries, you you're getting respected. And then I have also had a case where someone said that they would do something for me, and they didn't. So therefore, I did give them a chance to like talk about it because you know you're supposed to give a chance, a person a chance to talk about it. You know, you're supposed to give them their space and let them hear them out and not stop them, drew nothing. Well, when I showed up to give them their space to talk about it, they didn't say nothing about it and act like nothing never happened. So I was done at that point because you had crossed the line and you wasn't setting a good example for me. So it was time for me to move on because I gave you your space to say what you needed to say, and you didn't.
SPEAKER_06:All right. See, that's what I'm talking about. So we've done the work. You've rebuilt the trust with yourself and with others. Now, how do you keep it? How do you maintain it over time? Don't wait until trust is completely broken down to check in with yourself. Make it a regular practice, you know. You gotta say, you know, how I'm doing. How am I feeling? What what's what's my journal saying about what's going on with me? Let me go back and reflect over that and compare it to where I'm at right now. Spend 10 minutes journaling about your relationships. How do you feel? Do you see any small cracks forming? You know, every month, you know, reflect on the boundaries. Are they being respected? Do you feel you need to adjust anything? And every like three months, you know, quarterly, look at the big picture. You know, are your relationships still serving you? Are they giving you what you need? Are you growing in your relationships? Are you growing personally? Don't let the small issues fester. If something bothers you, if you need something, you know, don't wait. Ask for it. If you're noticing the pattern, yeah, bring it up, you know. Because if you don't, you know, things are fester, they'll they'll stay there, and then the festering builds up over time, and it'll be a major issue after so many issues have happened since it first started. So if you catch it early and it bothers you, and you say you need a boundary to be set, and you have to have a conversation with this person, don't wait. Have it right then, you know, especially if you notice the pattern. Something happens once, and you brush it off, and then you notice it happened. Oh no, can't let this keep happening, can't let violate happening to you. So trust with others. Hmm, how can I say trusting others is only as strong as your trust with yourself. So keep doing the practices, you know, do your body check-ins, do your feelings journal journal, keeping your small promises to yourself, setting the boundaries with others, and having self-compassion for yourself. Well, obviously, I said self-compassion for yourself. That was a little misnomer, wasn't it? These aren't one-time practices, you know, they're ongoing. You have to keep doing them. It's like you're establishing a new habit. These are new habits, you're forming new habits. And as they say, after you've done a habit, you know, over the span of you know four or five weeks, it sticks. So don't just say, okay, I'm gonna do it, you know, for a week and try it out. You know, it's ongoing, it's life for life changing. It's like working out, you know. You want your body to look good, you work out, you get your body to look good, you don't stop working out. You're trying to lose that weight, you go on the diet, and you know, you're trying to get it off of you, and you start getting it off of you, start to look good, and you got the weight down to where you want to be. You don't stop dieting. You say, Well, I can eat now. Then you go right back to where you were. It's the same thing with your emotional state. You don't want to go back, so you have to keep emotionally staying fit, doing these exercises mentally. It's like curling, you know, lifting that weight, you know, jogging, you know, joggers they stay in excellent shape. They don't stop jogging, they they they live by that. They end up going into marathons and all that stuff. Even walkers, people who like to walk, they they do it religiously. You know, once they start feeling like, hey, this is changing my life, it's like becoming addicted. So why not become addicted to a healthy lifestyle that you can have? Just saying, you know, don't shoot the messenger. Okay, when someone so shows up consistently in your life, acknowledge that, you know, give people their flowers, you know, when they do the right thing and they they stand faithful to you and they're conscious about your boundaries and they respect that, you know. Let them know. Hey, you know, I appreciate you. There's nothing wrong with you know honoring what somebody's treating you fairly, or when somebody is doing doting on you in a loving way. When you start to go through on your own commitments, you start like that too. You desire that that took a lot of things what Rust is built on and it deserves recognition. So show yourself that you recognize it. Do something for yourself. Yes, you're gonna I gotta I gotta defend myself, or this is wrong. This is something bad about the happen. That doesn't mean something bad about to happen. Something could have something going on. You don't know that. So instead of becoming reactive, get curious, find out, do some investigation. Not saying dang they're about to betray me again. But when something feels off, say what's happening? You know, is this something I'm missing? What do I need to understand about this situation? Excuse me. This keeps you from slipping back into the old trauma patterns.
SPEAKER_03:Protecting your peace. That's a big one.
SPEAKER_06:Because peace is something survivors never have. Stay in a state of constant turmoil and be those down from years of whatever trauma we've endured. We've developed so many bad coping mechanisms and habits that once we build up our trust and we start to formulate some kind of symbolism of a normal life. And we're trying to establish that, we see over the horizon, we're starting to get that peace we've been searching for. The sun is starting to come up over the mountains and cliffs, and we're starting to see a brighter day. So maintaining and protecting our peace is that we do not stay in situations that drain us. Anybody that's pulling on you for any of the wrong reasons, asking you to do stuff you know you shouldn't be doing, trying to treat you in a bad way, is talking down to you, whatever the case, physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, in a derogatory. If anybody is treating in any of those ways, you don't stay there. You get up, you walk out. You deserve to, hey, I deserve better than this. You should treat me any better than this. And if they're not gonna do it, then I'm not gonna stay. You cross the boundary, I'm out. Keep your up to you don't sacrifice your well being for someone else's comfort. Because they say, Oh, I don't want you to leave me. But they treating you like shit? Excuse my expression, but for real? You gonna give them the benefit of the doubt? They say they don't want you to leave, but you're the one suffering? Nah. Nah. You're willing to step back if some of you some petedly violates your trust. I had to scratch my head on that one. I mean, you can't do that. You have to at all costs protect your peace. Think about uh a football game. Do you want to be the loser? You want to get ran over and let somebody else rack up points on you? I mean, I I hate to use that analogy, but it's kind of similar.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_06:So maintaining trust doesn't mean you have to tolerate mistreatment, it means discerning about who gets access to you. Oh, that word. That's a golden word, isn't it? You get to choose who has access to you. Who who can have access to you? I mean, when you really think about it, it's your choice. You choose. Do you talk to everybody, or do you keep to yourself and allow people to come to you so you can see who's friendly, which way you you play it, that's up to you. You're choosing who has access to you. Doesn't mean you're being a butthole or anything, you know. It just means you're protecting your peace. Not everybody who comes to you has the best intention for you in mind, but not everybody who comes to you has a negative intention in mind either. But you deserve the right to have that peace and to allow or deny whoever is coming to you to access you. Okay, Storm, now I'm coming back to you. Which one of these practices do you think is most important to you?
SPEAKER_00:The practice where you know you protect your peace, and I have did that. It was probably 10 years ago, where someone was a part of my world, and I had to make that decision to let go and leave it alone because bonders were broken, trust was betrayed, I'm saying, hey, you know, this ain't no work, leave me alone. It got to the point that it was like, okay, I'm going to, it got to the point I had to make a couple of calls, you know, police reports, file police reports, get the law involved, because at that point you're protecting, you're protecting your peace. And I had to protect my peace, and that was the only way I can protect my peace, even though it involved me making things go chaotic in your world because now you're enforced with the laws being involved in your life, but I had to protect my peace.
SPEAKER_06:That's what's up. Okay, now we're gonna move on. We're doing pretty good tonight on time-wise.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_06:I'm trying not to go too fast for y'all. Right?
SPEAKER_00:Okay, yes.
SPEAKER_06:So this is the balance that survivors, we survivors, struggle with the most. How do you stay open and vulnerable while also protecting yourself? The answer is you don't have to choose. You can do both. A healthy protection looks like discernment. My wife used to tell me that all the time. People don't have discernment anymore. Discement is being selective about who you let close or observing the people over time before you fully trust them, to notice their actions and not just their words. You don't dump everything on someone on day one either. Like you meet somebody and then you tell them your whole life story. You know, that's like making a person say, like, I don't really want to know all that. You make a person feel a little strange too, but you start dumping everything, like, yeah, I used to do this, I used to do this. I didn't want to know that. So you have to you know shit hair and layers. I apologize. My apologies to everyone. This is really weird tonight. See the screens popping in. I'm not not doing any of that.
SPEAKER_00:Well, we're having a lot of technical issues. We're having a lot of technical issues.
SPEAKER_06:The listeners, okay. You know it's you won't be able to get boundaries clearly and then from consistently. If someone repeatedly violate violates your boundaries, you can adjust your level of closeness, like distancing distancing a little bit of a time to distancing yourself from that person. You don't have to shut down completely from that person, but you can recalibrate, like say, um, okay, I'ma just use an analogy. You say the house is on fire, right? You can walk down the street about one house away. Is the fire still too intense? Keep walking a little bit further. Fire still too intense. Well, I can tolerate this person, and that's how you treat people mentally with adjusting your boundaries with that person, so that say uh you share secret information, and we're gonna keep using that one because that's a very good example. You share information with this person, this person turns around and goes and spreads the information to other people, and you share that information in confidence with the person. So now you say, okay, I'm not gonna share things of a sensitive nature with you anymore. I'll just share some basic stuff with you. Did you watch the game? I saw the game, you know, I noticed this about the game, you know, this player, blah, blah, blah. That's general information. It's not private information. You know, if they didn't know that you saw the game, they didn't know because they didn't watch the game, you know, so you can share information like that. I mean, people will notice when you stop being as trusting with them, as close with them as you used to be. They'll start noticing, and maybe even if they're privy to wisdom, they may even question themselves like, why have they backed away from me? Which would be a wise thing to ask yourself, you know, why is this person distancing themselves from me? You know, but we all have different levels of maturity, so it comes with not age, because a young person could be wise and an old person could be a fool. But if you if you are mature enough to grasp things that are in front of you, maybe you can see it. I'm hoping for the other people, by the way. But as it pertains to us survivors, we have to guard ourselves to that degree. But to be open and pull back, you know, like we said in the other one, we don't share everything in layers, we share in layers, and we start off small, give a little bit to the people, you feed them a little bit to see what they're gonna do, and then we could test the waters that way. Yes, so you might believe people when they say they'll do something, but you also pay close attention to see whether or not they actually do it. Trust and verification, verification go together. Your primary relationship, regardless of all that, is with yourself. So if someone lets you down, you know you can trust yourself to handle that. You are your safety net, you know, you take care of you, and you're not gonna let you down. So shutting down looks like I'll never trust anyone again. That means you just close yourself off from the world, you put yourself in the box, you will not allow yourself to let your emotions attach to anyone. You isolate, and you assume the worst about everybody. I heard people say that before too. I don't trust nobody, or you know, I assume people, I assume the worst out of people until they prove me wrong. That I've heard from a lot of people, and I've actually lived that myself before I started learning about all this other stuff, I'll be honest with you. Still working on that aspect with myself, so it's not like I'm a hundred percent healed survivor. No, don't let smooth taste fool you. I'm far from that. I'll never tell you I'm close to being a healed survivor because I don't think we'll live that long to have complete healing, 100% healing. We we will build to grow to be better than we were. That much I can say can be guaranteed, but to have 100% now, I wouldn't lie to you. I would say I'm probably somewhere around maybe truthfully 15%. And you know, very little. You know, I'm still working, I'm still going through therapy myself. So full disclosure, you know, I'm not gonna hide anything from y'all. Anyway, protecting yourself looks like I trust people who earn it. Okay, let me say that statement again so you can get the impact of. I'll trust people who earn it. Not trust people just to trust people, then they earn it. Uh-uh. They have to build up to the trust. So these people, as we watch and observe and we test, and we test the waters, we give out a little bit to see how they react. The people who respond favorably are earning that trust. They earn the trust by proving consistently they are trustworthy. Healthy boundaries with room for connection, healthy boundaries. So you set boundaries, but not unrealistic boundaries. You know, you set the boundaries, say uh I don't want to receive phone calls after eight o'clock on weekdays. So you set those boundaries, and people you can see as you're testing the waters, are they gonna respect that or not? But that gives room for connection because you can say, hey, you can call me, you know, just not past my boundary past eight o'clock. Selective vulnerability means you don't have to be vulnerable to everyone. You can choose who you are vulnerable with. That's something that is not a common thing. Your vulnerability shouldn't be common to people. Matter of fact, most people shouldn't even know your vulnerability. That's one of those things that you give a very small nugget out to test to see what people will do with it. I wouldn't test anything strong, something deep, you know, or or very sensitive. It would start small, you know. I was born in Detroit. Okay, that's very small, but that's not something you would share with everybody. I'm not trying to tell everybody where I live. I'm not sharing my address, you know. Then I tell you the city I'm coming from, that's cool. No blind watch and see what you do with that. Oh, yeah. What part of the city are you from? Hmm. I don't know if I should start sharing that much information with you because now you're trying to narrow it down, and I don't know you that well. Access. They don't have that level of access. You see that? So you stop that right there. That's the boundary, boom. But hey, still communicate up to that level. But say if I know somebody else I'm feeling a little bit more comfortable around, I might share that with them. That selectiveness. And it's okay for you to do that. You it's your choice, you have the right to choose for you, and giving the people a chance while staying alert, okay. So somebody that you're unsure of, and you're trying to figure out which way they're going, you give them that nugget, and you see what will happen with that nugget, and watch and observe, see what they do. That's staying alert, paying close attention to how they handle that. It's not really testing them, but it is actually doing that. And that's actually biblical if you think about it. Because the Bible says you're supposed to test the spirit by the spirit. So you're testing the spirit with your spirit. You're trying to see are they on the same plane of spirituality, on the same plane of emotionalism or emotionality or personality or whatever the characteristic is. You know, you're trying to see if there's going to be a connection. You open up a little bit and you give them a chance to see if they're going to rise to the occasion or fall flat on their face. Hopefully, they won't fall on their face. But if they do, then you know you can start distancing the connection, or you can give them a chance to recover and recoup by setting boundaries. There's a whole bunch of levels and choices you have with the tools that we're trying to give you how to handle each situation. You know, the difference is hope. When you're protecting yourself, you still believe good relationships are possible. You're just being wise about it. You're not letting everybody into your heart, but you're watching everybody, you're observing, and you're trying to see who will be the best choice to bring closer to you. And as you keep these mechanisms going, some people are make it, some people ain't gonna make it, and that's life, that's normal, that's the process, and it's healthy for you and the people around you. You're not hurting anybody, they're not hurting you, and that's a good mental way to handle the situation. You can have an open heart and a discerning mind at the same time, and it's not a contradiction. That's wisdom. Yes. So, how do you balance openness with protection in your own life? What do you think, Storm?
SPEAKER_00:It started years ago. You know, I was one of them people that said too much, did too much, and it got taken the wrong way. It got taken out of content. So, like you said, I had to step back. And with Derby and stuff, I had to find out, you know, you just give a person a little bit of your time. You see how much you can balance off, and then you see how much more you can tell them to see where it's gonna go. But you don't get them everything, and I had to learn how to shut down and not do that because that was one of my faults, you know. And I'm learning how to shit down, pull back and not do so much, so so much too, too quick. Back to you.
SPEAKER_01:All right, yes.
SPEAKER_06:Now let's talk about something critical. What are the red flags that someone is disturbing your self-trust? Not just disturbing the trust you have with others, but they're disturbing your self-trust. What boundaries do you need to set and protect it? Red flag number one. When you express how you feel, they minimize it. They mock it, make fun of it, or they invalidate it, like it's not important. This erodes your trust in your own emotional experience. Set the boundary. My feelings are valid. If you can't respect that, I need to step back from this relationship. Boom. Ooh. So if they do any of those things, if they minimize mock or invalidate it, you tell them that.
SPEAKER_03:Hey, my feelings are real, man. My feelings are real, Ma. My feelings are real, brother. My feelings are real, dad.
SPEAKER_02:I mean in any case, your feelings are you, they are a part of you.
SPEAKER_06:They're real, you are connected to them, and you cannot escape them. And because of that, if someone steps on that, they're stepping on you. Use uh analogy violation in the worst kind, it's police brutality. If a person was a feeling, and the police would be that thing that's breaking that boundary. So police officer putting their knee on your neck is violating your feelings, it's violating your person, your humanity, and your being. Can't respect that. Step back from the relationship. You can't respect me. It's over. Period. Point blank, poo. So let's say you set a boundary and they cross it. You set it again, they cross it again. This tells you they don't respect your needs. Okay. Say somebody your your significant other asks you for money. And you're going through a hard time now. I don't have it. Well, you used to have it, and now you don't give it to me. You don't love me no more. You you making money to equate to my emotions? How does that work? You trying to guilt me into giving you some money when I'm already in the bad way? You're breaking the boundary right there. Hey, don't do that. Don't do that. So we're not gonna do that no more, okay? You know I love you, and then you know I'm in in a certain way right now. If I had it, I would give it to you as I had in the past. It's not about the money, it's about the situation. You know my situation, but then they do it again.
SPEAKER_03:I need a hundred dollars. What we just talk about.
SPEAKER_06:Did did you not hear that I said that I was in this certain situation? That means they don't care. They don't care about my situation. And they trying to get it about you. So, what do you do? You ain't respecting me. You just trying to use me. Might have to let this thing go, and that's a serious thing, and that actually happens, people. All these things that we're talking about on these podcasts, they actually happen. It's not something we're just conjuring up or just starting a fire and saying, no, watch out, we're not causing smoke screens or you know gas lighting or anything like that. We're telling you about real stuff.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_06:You said the boundary, they crossed it. Then you said it again, they crossed it again. It don't have to be about money, it could be about anything. The point is, they didn't respect your boundary. They knew that that was something that was causing you some discomfort or pain or emotional problems, distress, whatever. You set the boundaries to prevent that so you can keep peace and be with this person at the same time. When they violate it repeatedly, that disrupts your peace. If you can't live in a peaceful environment with someone that you're trying to be close to, then it's not worth trying to stay there. All right. So, just like I said, you do it again, that's that ass. Now that just be real talk. So, another one is something happened, bad situation, maybe they did something out the way, and it hurt your feelings, but then they say, Well, that didn't happen. I didn't do that. They're trying to make you question yourself. It's just especially damaging because it makes you doubt yourself, it makes you say, Dang, dude, did I really? Maybe it was me. Maybe I just didn't, you know, and that's messed up when they try to alter your perception about what is. So you wanted to say something just now, Storm? Go ahead.
SPEAKER_00:No, I was gone though. No, it was like, well, I never had nobody to really try to gaslight me or validate my feelings. So what I mean, because I was just the type of person that I move on. So, you know, if you was gonna try to do that, I'm I'm gone. Yeah, so no, you cannot.
SPEAKER_06:All right, yes, yeah, and uh that that's mm. That's making me feel a little bit like something right now, just thinking about it, you know. Yes, but the boundary is on this situation is trusting our own perception, and if you continue to deny my reality, I cannot continue this relationship. So I'm gonna use the one everybody uses as a joke, okay? The guy is kissing on this woman, but his girlfriend walks up and says, What you doing kissing on that woman? I wasn't me. Ain't that what it said? Wasn't me. Wasn't me. I caught you going into the restaurant and coming out with the restaurant hugged up with this woman. Who is this woman? You supposed to be with me? Wasn't me. That wasn't me. I got the video on the phone. Wasn't me trying to make you doubt yourself. That's messed up. That's the red flag.
unknown:Get out.
SPEAKER_06:Red flag, boy. Don't don't don't let them try to change your perception of what is. Another one is after spending time with them, you feel less confident, less worthy, less capable. You know, they put you down, they diminish you.
SPEAKER_03:Ooh, ooh.
SPEAKER_06:Talking to them, say I'm talking to a person supposed to be my girlfriend, and she asked me how my day went. I'm like, oh, you know, me and the fellas went, we played some basketball or whatever. You know, this is hypothetical now, because I can't play basketball. So let's just say, but yeah, you know, me and the fellas, we went and we shot some hoop at the gym and stuff. Oh, that's good. Y'all go play y'all little game. Why gotta be a little game? Why you gotta knock it down? Oh, here's another one. Playing video games, and your girlfriend comes in. You always on the game, ain't you too old for that? Boom, knocked you down. So saying that you still acting childish, basically. Why are you diminishing the situation? Why are you diminishing me? You know, and that can go on into a whole bunch of different areas, you know, on both sides. You know, not just women on men, men diminish women too. And they some of the biggest hypocrites on that. I mean, you we can't we can't just say it's one side, it's not, it's not. There's guilt on both sides with that, but you have to set a boundary. You say, I need to spend less time with people who make me feel small, I'm protecting myself worth. If you don't want to make me feel like I'm worth it, if you want to make me less than what I am, I need to spend more time with people who think where I'm at or want to build me up. Yes. If you ain't trying to build me up, we can't, we can't. We no-mm. Now I ain't even got no words. Because life is all about building, rebuilding, building, rebuilding, building, rebuilding. I say that because a lot of times life's not has a way of knocking us down. We have to start back over, or life knocks us down, and we have to pick ourselves back up, or life knocks us down, and we have to get healing from some kind of, or life knocks us down, and we have to rearrange how we handle things. We have to rebuild, it's all about building, and you can't be with somebody that's constantly tearing you down. That's counterproductive to life itself. I hate to say that, but that's the truth. So, yeah, you have to protect, you have to set your boundary and say, hey, I'm worth it. I'm definitely worth it. If I wasn't worth it, you wouldn't be with me in the first place. Okay, think about it. Why are you with me if you're saying everything and you're diminishing me all this time? Why are you with me? You're not making literal sense. You bigging yourself up, making yourself look bigger to me. Yes, for no reason. That that doesn't make sense. Make why we're trying to grow this thing together, and you trying to put me down. You putting me down is making you go down as well. I don't know if people realize that's how it works, but that is you diminish me, you diminish us. We are together, we are one, we're supposed to be one. That means if you build me up, naturally you coming up too.
SPEAKER_00:Right, Storm? Yes, that's right. You know, you're one, your unity, you won. So if I hurt, you hurt, you know. You know, so we're one.
SPEAKER_06:Mm-hmm. Exactly. One. So you have to set the boundaries, people. You have to make yourself know, hey, I'm worth this. I'm worth having a life, I'm worth being more than what I am right now. I'm worth building up myself. I'm worth being the person I want to be. You think people just say, I'm struggling to start this business just because they're saying they're struggling to have something? No, they see a future. Yes, they see a possibility of an outcome of something greater. They work, they butts off to get that. You can't diminish somebody and expect any kind of form of dream to come true because when you diminish somebody, they're diminishing themselves at the same time. They don't feel their self-worth, they're not gonna try. All it can be is a lap dog for you, the person diminishing them and demasculating them or defeminizing them. Um I mean, okay, I need to get off this topic. So, another red flag. They say one thing and do another. You can't predict them. Your nervous system just can't relax. Like, hey, man, it seems like every time I see you doing something different, I can't trust you. I need consistency. If you can't provide that, I need to reconsider how close we are. That's the boundary you need to set right there. Red flag, another one. You have a gut feeling something's off, but they convince you you're wrong. Over time, you stop trusting your instincts. Set the boundary. I trust my gut. If something feels off, I'm gonna honor that feeling, even if I can't fully explain it. Another red flag. They isolate you, they discourage you. Seeing your friends, family, other support systems, they want you dependent on them. My relationship with other people are non negotiable. I will not isolate myself for anyone. You know, that's all the time we have. We only made it halfway through. These are a lot of boundaries. This is good. Segment five. That's how far we got in this episode. I'ma clean it up next week. Yeah. Thank you for letting me know that. That was my timer letting me know the hour was up. But we will be back next week. Um, I want to end this four-part mini-series on trust, but that's not gonna end this week. I have to finish it next week, and we'll do episode eight, like we did episode five. We're gonna combine the episodes, the end of one and the start of the next, so that we can continue this in a proper way. I have to end this right, and I don't want to miss out all this information that I'm going to give to you guys. So on this episode, I'm gonna end it right here, segment six. We only really had two segments to go after that, but I want you to know we'll be back next week, eight o'clock, Saturday, 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. You can check us out on multiple platforms, Buzz Sprout. You can check us out on iHeartRadio, you can check us out on Spotify or a podcast addict or Castro. You know, we are on several platforms, major platforms now. Go to our YouTube channel at TerraTheTriumph Live, all one word. I mean, all one word put together. Tear the Triumph Live on Terror to Triumph Live. You can watch this and all the other previous episodes there on Buzz Sprout, TerrorTheTriumph.buzzsprout.com. You can go there and listen to the podcast every Wednesday. We'll put the audio podcast of this live up on there to broadcast and then filters down through the RS fe RSS feed. Don't forget about Apple supporting affiliates.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, don't forget about it's on Apple podcast too. And they are all there and they're located on Apple. So don't forget to type out, type in Tara to Trump, Tara with the two Trump. Don't forget to uh go there and don't forget I'm at I'm on TikTok also at Diamanda on TikTok. I go in from Monday through Fridays at 7 o'clock, a.m. in the morning central standard time. And on the weekend on Saturdays and Sundays, I'm on the park. I'm on TikTok from 11:30 to 12:30 or 11:30 to 12. And thank you. That's been Diamondda, the storm. That's you.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. Well, there you have it. You know, y'all can follow Storm on TikTok at Diamanda, and y'all can go check her out as she goes on her live. Monday through Friday. I know she does it at um eight o'clock Central Standard Time.
SPEAKER_00:No, seven o'clock Central Standard Time and 8 o'clock. I mean Eastern time.
SPEAKER_06:Oh, yeah, that's mornings. Right. Yes. So yeah, Eastern Standard Time, that would be 7. So yeah. You know, I'd be off sometimes with the time differences, so please charge it to my head and not my heart. I don't mean no disrespect or anything by it. But yeah, I want everybody to know that we are on YouTube channel as you can see it on the screen, Terra to Triumph Live. Please come check us out and on any other platform that you currently use. You can find it on the podcast there at Terra to Triumph. So we thank you for coming. We appreciate you. And I want you to stay safe, stay encouraged, and protect yourself.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_06:Protect your emotions, protect your mentality, set boundaries, and observe others. You know, you don't give access to everyone. You are worthy, and you are blessed. This is Tara the Triumph. I'm Alfonso Pelt. This has been Storm co-hosting with me, and we thank you for joining us tonight. Have a blessed night.
