Terror To Triumph
Childhood trauma is a taboo subject in that it's deeply emotional for people to learn, talk, and comprehend it. However, healing, true healing, can't come from silence. This podcast digs in to the emotions and reveals the symptoms of what can lead to childhood trauma, AND the tell tell signs that can alert us that something is wrong with the youths in our homes, schools, churches, or wherever. Whether it's physical, mental, verbal, or sexual abuse, this podcast takes a brave head on approach to tackle the difficult subject matters while providing the audience a platform to vent, and reach out for help.
Terror To Triumph
Surviving The Holidays: Trauma, Family, and Finding Peace
The holidays can be beautiful—and brutal. Alphonso goes straight to the heart of why this season can feel like walking into a storm for trauma survivors: the break in routine, the sensory overload, the pressure to be cheerful, and the possibility of sharing space with people who caused harm. Instead of pretending it’s fine, we map the landscape and give you tools to navigate it with clarity and care.
We unpack the most common emotional waves—anticipatory anxiety, anger, grief, shame, and guilt—and reframe them as valid signals rather than personal failures. From there, we move into practical, trauma-informed strategies you can use right away: arriving late and leaving early, sticking close to a safe person, steering conversations to neutral ground, and setting boundaries you’ll actually enforce. You’ll hear simple scripts that end intrusive questions, plus day-of grounding tactics like box breathing, the 5‑4‑3‑2‑1 method, movement, and bathroom resets that calm your nervous system in minutes.
Preparation is a form of protection. We talk through planning your approach, building a support network, scheduling therapy around the event, limiting substances, and creating a pre-gathering ritual that roots you in the present. Most importantly, we challenge the old holiday script and help you write a new one that honors your healing—whether that means chosen family, quiet rituals, volunteering, art, or a solo day that feels gentle and true. We also share crisis resources so you know exactly where to turn if things overwhelm you.
If this conversation gives you a little more breath and a little more choice, share it with someone who needs that, too. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us which boundary or ritual you’re choosing this season—what will your new holiday story be?
www.youtube.com/@TERRORTOTRIUMPHLIVE
Welcome back to Terror to Triumph. I'm Alfonso Pelt. Tonight I'm flying solo. Storm has tonight off, so it's just you and me. We're gonna do something different tonight. We're stepping out of our regular content to address something that's happening right now. In real time for millions of trauma survivors. Trauma survivors, excuse me. Right now it's the holiday season, you know? Christmas is four days away. Families, friends, gatherings, food, music. For those of us who experience childhood abuse, holidays can be complicated. They're supposed to be about joy, family and togetherness, but for survivors, they can be triggering, painful, and isolating. You might be dreading to see family members who hurt you. Yeah, they could end up being there, acting like nothing ever happened. But it'll be an awkwardness between you two.
SPEAKER_02:You might be feeling grief about a family member you wish you had, you know. Somebody might have passed on. It's not there to celebrate with you anymore. You might be experiencing anxiety at the holidays, you know, as they approach, as it comes. You might be struggling with memories of past holidays, especially the ones that were traumatic.
SPEAKER_00:That's you. This episode's for you. It's for me as well.
SPEAKER_02:I hope uh a lot of my friends that are struggling during the holidays, I know a specific little tongue twisted, specific few who are finding it very difficult to get through the holidays. I hope you're listening because this episode is very much geared to those of us who have suffered loss, loss of innocence, or are just grieving from traumatic episodes from those who have caused us harm, who might be there celebrating.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Tonight we're talking about how to survive the holidays as a trauma survivor, talking about the emotional responses that have come up, how to navigate relationships with people who cause them. How to set boundaries, and most importantly, how to find peace during the season that's supposed to be about peace. This is survival information, y'all. This is what you need to know to get through the next month with your mental health intact.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, let's get it. Start with the reality. Holidays are hard for us trauma survivors.
SPEAKER_02:There are some specific reasons why. Holidays are when families come together, like I said earlier. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Fourth of July, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Birthdays. All these are occasions when people gather. But if your family is the source of your trauma, being them being around them is a trigger or can be triggering.
SPEAKER_00:You might be in the same room as the person who hurt you.
SPEAKER_02:You might be surrounded by family members who enabled the abuse or didn't believe you. Your nervous systems go into high alert. It's not safe here.
SPEAKER_00:And you have to pretend everything is just fine. Sound familiar? I'm talking to you. I hope you're listening.
SPEAKER_02:This is something we've been going through for a minute. Comes around every year and it hits us hard as a ton of bricks. Well, tonight I'm gonna give you some tools to help you deal with this situation. To find your peace, to find your center. Trauma survivors often rely on routine. Routines create predictability.
SPEAKER_00:Predictability helps us cope, you know, helps us feel safe.
SPEAKER_02:But holidays aren't routine, and they disrupt routine. You're traveling, you're in different environments, you're around different people. Your nervous system can't predict what's coming. So it stays in threat mode. The holidays are loud. There's music conversations, laughter, chaos.
SPEAKER_00:There are smells, cooking, perfume, alcohol, or other things.
SPEAKER_02:We're not going to get into that on this show, but I just want y'all to know that's a possibility. Some of our family, there will be other things there.
SPEAKER_00:And you have to prepare yourself for that too. The decorations and lights and activity.
SPEAKER_02:Everything's going on around you. It's like system overload. For a nervous system that's already in survival mode, sensory overload can push you a little bit over edge. You can become hyper-vigilant, anxious, or exhausted.
SPEAKER_00:Holidays carry memories, y'all. Come on.
SPEAKER_02:As soon as we get to this time of year, we start thinking about past memories, right? You start thinking about people. Oh, who are we gonna see when we get there? What kind of food are we gonna eat? You know, is it gonna be good or did they mess it up, you know, like they did that one year? You know. You can remember past holidays that were traumatic. You may remember holidays where you felt unsafe or unwanted.
SPEAKER_00:Maybe you remember the contrast between the holiday you wanted and the holiday you got.
SPEAKER_02:These memories can surface during the holidays, and they can feel as real if this is happening right now as if it's happening at the very moment you're in.
SPEAKER_00:What do we do about that?
SPEAKER_02:There's an expectation that holidays should be happy, that you should be grateful, that you should enjoy family time, that you should be merry and bright. But if you're a trauma survivor, you might not feel any of those things.
SPEAKER_00:And the pressure to feel them, the guilt about not feeling them, that can be overwhelming.
SPEAKER_02:For many survivors, the holidays bring up grief. Grief about the family you wish you had.
SPEAKER_00:Let that sink in for a minute. Excuse me. Okay. Grief about the childhood you didn't get. Grief about the safety and love you deserve, but you never receive.
SPEAKER_02:This grief can be intense during the holiday season because the holidays are supposed to be about family and love.
SPEAKER_00:While the holidays are about togetherness, many of us survivors feel deeply isolated.
SPEAKER_02:I know I do. Even though I'm around people, I feel isolated. If that makes any sense to anyone who's listening.
SPEAKER_00:I'm one. I could be around a whole bunch of people and feel alone. Hmm. Yeah. You can't talk about what you're really feeling, but you have to keep the secret and you have to pretend.
SPEAKER_02:Right? That's why that isolation is painful. You got all this pain build up inside of you.
SPEAKER_00:You ain't got nobody to share it with. You have no way to release it. Holidays are triggering for us because they disrupt safety.
SPEAKER_02:They bring up painful memories and force you into situations where you have to pretend you're okay when you're not. Okay, so the holidays are triggering, right? But what does that actually feel like?
SPEAKER_00:What emotional responses come up? Can you think of a few? I know I can. Well, let me walk you through the ones I've experienced. The ones I've seen in other survivors. Excuse me. As the holiday comes, anxiety bills. What's coming? Get that right there in your throat.
SPEAKER_02:And if your chest starts feeling a certain way, right in the center of your chest, like some I gotta deal with it. I gotta get through it somehow. You might have to see family. You know it's gonna be hard. The anticipation creates a state of dread. Like you really don't want to be there, but you're expected. So you try to force yourself. Your heart races, your stomach gets tight, you can't sleep, you're constantly scanning for danger. Like, who's gonna be there? This person's gonna be there. I don't want to be around them. You know, trying to hide around mama or something, or auntie, you know, just stay around them.
SPEAKER_00:Maybe they can like shield me. You're not even there yet, but your nervous system is already in threat mode.
SPEAKER_02:That's us, that's how we are. Okay? Holidays can bring up intense anger. Anger at the people who've hurt us.
SPEAKER_00:Anger at family members who didn't protect you or couldn't.
SPEAKER_02:This anger can feel scary because it's so intense, but it's valid though. These are your actual feelings. Can't shut those up. That's part of who you are. And your anger is telling you something's very wrong, and you deserve better than that. The holidays bring up grief. Grief is about the family you wish you had, grief about the childhood you deserve, grief about the safety of love you didn't receive.
SPEAKER_00:Safety and love, rather.
SPEAKER_02:This grief can be overbearing because it can feel like mourning, like not good mourning, but you're in mourning, as if you're grieving someone who's lost, you're grieving the loss of your innocence in your childhood. You're grieving because you went through the trauma and never received help. You're grieving because possibly the person who hurt you has never faced up to accountability. And in a way, you're mourning the loss of what should have been. You might feel shame about your family, shame about what happened to you, shame about not being able to get over it. You know how we tell ourselves, I don't know why I keep feeling like this. I need to just get over it. I don't know how I can just get over it like that. Shame is a liar. Okay? Let me say that one more time so you can hear me clear. Shame is a liar. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Shame is a liar. You have nothing to be ashamed of. The shame belongs to the person who hurt you. Not you. You're the victim. You shouldn't feel shame. But the shame comes about because of the silence. Because you know what happened, and you couldn't tell anybody. You feel bad about it.
SPEAKER_01:Hmm.
SPEAKER_02:Even when you're surrounded by people, like I said earlier, you could feel deeply alone. That's me all day. All day. That's me. You can't talk about what you're really feeling. You have to keep the secret, you have to pretend the isolation is painful. It's also suffocating from personal experience. Because you want everybody else to enjoy the holiday. And you don't want to be the one with the gray cloud over your head. Just every time you come around, oh, here you come with that drama. You don't want to be that person. You want everybody to still have fun and laugh and joke, eat, be merry, be cheerful. So you suppress all that stuff inside. So others can enjoy the time, even though you're suffering in the moment. Sometimes emotions can be too much. You go numb, like you don't feel nothing. That's been me a few times. I ain't gonna lie. You dissociate, like you disconnect yourself from people, like this your sister, but it feels like you just met her on the street. You know what I'm saying? You disconnect. Feels like you're watching your life from outside your body, like you're not really there. You might feel guilty for not enjoying the holidays, guilty for not being grateful. You could be guilty or feel anger or sadness, or feel guilty for the anger and sadness. But guilt is yet another liar, y'all. Another liar. That's two we didn't talk about already. You're allowed to have whatever feelings that come up, you're allowed to not be okay, because you're not. We're being forced to lie about how we feel, and that's not fair to us. Flashbacks. Okay, that's that's a touchy one there. Because it happens, I'm sure it happens to all survivors, especially if the one who hurt us is present. Sometimes during the holidays, they'll come up. Suddenly, you're back in the traumatic moment. Your heart starts racing, you might start sweating. You might be acting if the trauma's happening right now. Ever had that feeling? Hmm. I have. Flashbacks are terrifying. I don't like them when they happen to me. But they're also your nervous system trying to process what happened. All of these emotional responses are normal. Okay? They're not signs of weakness or failure or that you're less than because they're signs that you're human and that you've been hurt. And there's nothing wrong with you feeling what you're feeling. That's normal. This is one of the hardest parts of the holidays for us trauma survivors. We might have to be in the same room with the person that hurt us. Maybe it's a parent, it was for me. Maybe it's a sibling. Maybe it's an extended family member, like an aunt or uncle, or cousin. It could be a grandfather or grandmother. But they're going to be there. And you got to figure out how to handle that. The reality is, and let's be honest, you don't have to be in the same room as the person that hurt you. You don't even have to be there at the family gathering. You don't have to maintain a relationship with someone who's caused you harm. You don't have to. But we survivors, we often feel obligated because there's family pressure, there's guilt, there's the hope that maybe this time things would be different. Like, uh, I've changed, or they've changed, and all the sun rays that come down from heaven, and we'll all be alright outside dancing and singing. And come on, y'all. Let's be real, man. Let's be really real for real for a moment. Okay. Let's talk about how you're gonna navigate being there if you choose to be there. Okay, you don't have to spend the entire day with your abuser. You can arrive late. You know, BPT for us, you know, people. So it's not gonna really seem strange for us, right? BPT? We we can come in an hour late or hour and a half late and still be okay. For most people, they'll still be there. Sometimes we end up with family members who come, leave, come, leave all day long. You know, they don't always end up meeting up each other at the same time. So if you arrive late and leave early, that's a lot of time. You ain't gotta be there. You can say hi to everybody else, nod your head at the person, like, yeah, I see you, mother. Oh, I ain't gonna say that. This is a podcast. But anyway, you can see them and let them know, hey, I'm still here. But you ain't gotta associate with them, you ain't gotta talk with them. Don't let them get you off to yourself either. So that too. You can spend time in a different room, you ain't gotta be in the same room with them. Like I said earlier, you can stay close to somebody who you feel safe around, who you know they're not gonna try nothing around. They ain't gonna talk to me a certain kind of way around Big Mama.
SPEAKER_00:I'm gonna stay close to Big Mama. You can take a break, step outside.
SPEAKER_02:If you smoke, you know, use that as an excuse. I'm gonna go hit the cigarette right quick, I'll be right back, y'all.
SPEAKER_00:Let me step outside. Always stay in view, though.
SPEAKER_02:Because if the accuser comes outside to try to have a one-on-one with you, make sure other people are already watching, you know. But nine times out of ten in celebrations, people are focused on what's happening inside, not outside. So guard yourself against that. If you do chance to step outside, have an exit plan if you need to leave. Like things get a little too intense. Maybe uh buddy boy over there is trying to do something on the slide and you can see it coming.
unknown:I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:You know, peace out. I forgot I left my oven on. I think I left my iron on. Whatever the case may be. Have an exit plan in case you need to get up out of there, okay? Limited exposure doesn't mean you're weak, it just means you're protecting yourself, and it means you're being smart. You're using that noggin God gave you to escape a dangerous situation, okay? Have a safe person. Identify someone at the gathering that makes you feel safe. Someone who won't judge you, someone who might believe you, or if you told your story to someone who does believe you. Stay close to them. Start to feel triggered, you can tell them, you know, and have a cold word, maybe even like I need to step away. I'm like, oh, okay, I know what that means. Come on. You know, and then y'all can go talk about it. Do not engage in no deep conversations, okay? Keep conversations at surface level. Talk about the weather, talk about neutral topics. Don't get pulled into conversation about your life and your choices or your trauma. Someone asks intrusive questions, you can say, I'd rather not talk about that. Not right now. We in the middle of a holiday. I'd rather have some fun and talk about something different. How about them lions?
SPEAKER_00:That's another conversation, y'all. But anyway. You could tell them that's personal.
SPEAKER_02:Or I'm not discussing I'm not comfortable discussing that. Not with you. Or I'm just not, I just don't feel like talking about that right now. You know? Because you don't owe anybody an explanation, not for how you're feeling.
SPEAKER_00:That's totally off limits for them if you don't want to talk about it. And that's okay. This is hard.
SPEAKER_02:You might be hoping that the one who accosted you will acknowledge what they did and that they'll apologize, that they'll take responsibility, which would probably feel good to most of us. You know, that'll lift that thing up off our shoulders a little bit. It ain't gonna make us feel all the way better, of course, but at least you know you did something wrong. At least you can admit, oh yeah, you're accepting responsibility for what you did to me. Okay, we're getting to another level. Okay, maybe there's hope to fix this thing.
SPEAKER_00:Don't go into the holiday expecting this. Don't do that to yourself. If you do, you'll be disappointed. And that disappointment's gonna hurt. That's just plain and simple.
SPEAKER_02:You if they if it went this long without them saying nothing, then they're not gonna say nothing. They're not gonna go to the police. Oh yeah, Mr. Barnaby, yeah. I don't I accosted my uh my cousin over there, and uh I'm turning myself in. Really? It's been years. Think about it. It's been years, and they still ain't said nothing, even though they seen you time and time again, over and over again, and they still ain't said nothing. They ain't said nothing to nobody, even though you've been talking about it. What kind of person is that?
SPEAKER_00:Think about it. They're not gonna come and acknowledge what they did. Many abusers never do.
SPEAKER_02:Most of them don't. They'll deny, they'll deny, they'll deny, they'll minimize, they'll gaslight. Instead of going in knowing that this person is probably not gonna acknowledge what they did, and I'm okay with that because I know the truth. They can't take that away. So before the holiday, decide what kind of behavior you will or will not tolerate. I I'm not gonna discuss my trauma with anybody. I won't accept criticism about my life choices. I won't tell, I won't tolerate yelling, arguing, or agitation, you know. I won't tolerate nobody getting aggressive with me. And if you cross this, you cross this territory, this boundary that I'm setting up, I'ma leave. Then you gotta enforce these boundaries you've set. If someone crosses a boundary and you leave, you don't need to explain yourself. You're protecting yourself, okay?
SPEAKER_00:You're protecting your mind state, your mentality, your peace? Then you gotta think about this. Why am I choosing to be here? Is it because I'm wanna be, or is it because I feel like I'm obligated? Did I obligate myself to come?
SPEAKER_02:You know, holidays, a lot of people do what we call pot luck, where everybody cooks a dish and brings it to the gathering.
SPEAKER_00:Did you obligate yourself?
SPEAKER_02:Did you tell other people that you were coming and now there's other relatives who are expecting to see you who haven't seen you in a long time, who want to see you? There might be some good people. They just want to see you, they want to love on you. But your abuser might be there. Did you obligate yourself to go? Did you tell them you was coming? Now you feel like you really gotta be there because you told them you was coming.
SPEAKER_00:Ah, yeah. Yeah. If you're there because you feel obligated, consider not going.
SPEAKER_02:Your mental health is more important than family obligation. I mean, that should be a no-brainer. Mental health, no-brainer. Okay, I'm sorry. You know, I'm stupid. I make comments and jokes sometimes. Try to lighten up the humor. But the thing is, if you're there because you want to be, remember that and stay grounded. Keep all your boundaries enforced at all times.
SPEAKER_00:Do not let your guard down. Okay. After the holiday, you gotta process what happened.
SPEAKER_02:I hope you have a therapist you can talk to to help you process it.
SPEAKER_00:If not, you know, get a notebook and start writing it down. Something like this. Little, you know, spiral, notebook.
SPEAKER_02:It's something like that. Start writing down what's going on with you. How you feeling? When you're around somebody, how you feeling in?
SPEAKER_00:What's going on with you? Don't bottle it up.
SPEAKER_02:Don't pretend it didn't happen. Let yourself feel what comes up. So you can write that down. That way, when you write it down, you can go back and look like, okay, when I was around Felicia, I started feeling in a certain kind of way. And I remember that because now I went back through my journal, and it was like every time I was around Felicia, I felt a certain way. So, what is it about you and Felicia, that relationship? I mean, you can't remember this every time you know it happens because your connection or meeting them might be so off board, you know, you might see them once every three, four months or so. You don't know. So, how would you make the correlation? The journal helps you make the correlation, okay? You don't have to maintain a relationship with someone who hurts you, but if you choose to be around them, maintain yourself fiercely. Fiercely, fiercely, okay. I had to say that three times so I can make sure that y'all get that.
SPEAKER_00:Protect yourself. Anyway, you heard the song. Protect your neck. Yeah, protect yourself.
SPEAKER_02:Don't play with that. Your emotional state is vital to your life as a trauma survivor. You have to protect that at all costs. The anticipation can be as hard as the actual holiday. As the date approaches, anxiety builds, your nervous system starts to activate. Here's how to manage your emotional state in the weeks leading up to the holiday. Start paying attention to your emotional state. Are you starting to feel anxious, sad, angry? Just notice it. Don't judge it. Keep a journal. Just like I said, write it down. Feeling and why. This helps you process the emotions, y'all, before they build up to overload. So you can take little baby steps, bite at it a little bit at a time. Before you know it, the plate's empty. And you're at the holiday. And now it's not all this weight. Yeah, we do that to ourselves as survivors. We build up the weight ourselves. So we take a little piece here, a little piece there, taking little pieces, and we're taking it out, we're taking it out, we're taking it out, we're taking it out. And then by the time it gets there, there's probably a little bit left. But it's not an overwhelming thing. We work on it. We constantly work on it. That's not just that holiday thing, but during the holidays, it's especially important to do that. Increase your grounding practices. Do daily body check-ins. Remember your breathing exercise. 4444 if you remember. Movement. Walk, dance, stretch, exercise. You know, do something. Movement is life, y'all. Spend some time outside. You know, go outside, go for a walk. Go to the park. You know what I'm saying? Go to the river. You know what I'm saying? Get away, clear your mind. Do something creative too. That gets your mind off of things. And it focuses, makes you focus a little bit. It makes you focus on something other than the trauma. Who knows? You know, it might be an inspiring artist inside of you. Remember bringing back that childhood, that little child inside of you. What did you used to do when you were a kid? What made you you? What was you happy doing when you were a kid? For me, it was drawing. I used to love to draw. All the time, drawing. I could draw on everything. I don't know if I ever drew on a wall. But I used to love to draw. I used all my school paper. I mean, my mama used to get so mad at me because I would draw up everything. She buy me a notebook. It's drawing all through that. How do you do it? You're drawing in here. That's for your schoolwork. Don't touch that until you go to school. Go to school. I'm doodling. It's what they call it doodling.
SPEAKER_00:But it helps you focus on something. You know. So try that. These practices calm you down. They help you stay present.
SPEAKER_02:Before the event, you know, make a concrete plan. Will you attend? You gotta make sure. Are you or aren't you? Don't go back and forth. Don't flip-flop. I don't know. Maybe I should go. I ain't feeling it. I know he's gonna be there. I know she's gonna be there. I ain't feeling it. No, but you need to go. Nah, I don't need to go. I'm getting a feeling in my stuff. I probably should not. You gotta decide. Make a choice one way or the other. If yes, what time will you arrive and leave? Okay? You getting there early? No, no. Arrive late. Remember? Leave early. Okay. Minimize your time. Who will be there? Can you find out who's gonna be there for certain? Sometimes that might be a little tricky. Somebody might say they're gonna be there and then they don't show. Or they'll be there and they'll end up coming late. So it might even be a case where they can't get in contact with them on the phone or something, or her or she, or he, or whoever. So you might not know who's gonna show up. But you can ask the person who's hosting the Christmas dinner at their house. You can ask who all come in because I'm pretty sure they didn't put the word out, then somebody's gonna know something. And sometimes people fall through the cracks, they don't answer the phone, but they find out through somebody, oh, they have another party at Their house, you know, for Christmas. Oh, I'ma go then, you know, because I I ain't caller or none of the sort of I'ma just show up. People do that. Even though they're not invited or they're invited, even though they didn't technically say they were coming. So just be aware of that. Get your safe person. Make sure they're going to be there. Because if your safe person's not going to be there, you need an exit strategy. Okay. What boundaries do you need to set? Get that set in your head before you even go. Having a plan gives you a sense of control. It tells your nervous system, okay, I thought about this situation.
SPEAKER_00:I think I got a handle on it. I know what to expect. Then you reach out to your support people.
SPEAKER_02:Let them know that you're struggling. Hey, I gotta go to this Christmas dinner at my my brother's house, and I don't know if my person who assaulted me, who harmed me is gonna be there. What do you think? Can you talk? You know, ask them if they're available to talk or text during the holiday in case something does happen during the dinner. Schedule a therapy session before or after the holiday. Because you're gonna need to talk about that, that's for sure. Maybe you can join the online support group if you need extra support. Or here, online support group, right here, tear of the triumph. Hello. You don't have to do this alone. You do not have to do this alone. That's what this whole thing is about, Terry of the Triumph. I created this so you don't have to do this alone.
SPEAKER_00:There's people here out here willing to help. Alright? Connection is medicine. It's good for the body, good for the soul. Increase your self-care. Get extra sleep.
SPEAKER_02:Eat good meals. Not overwhelming meals, you know, but healthy meals. Move your body, get your exercise, get your steps in. Spend times doing things you love. Did you like to dance? You know, put on song you like and dance. You don't need nobody else to see you dance.
SPEAKER_00:Just do what you like to do.
SPEAKER_02:Limit your alcohol and other substances. We ain't gonna get into that. We said we wasn't gonna get into that. But try to limit it, you know. Even if you do use because you're trying to wash away the trauma, smoke away the trauma. Try to limit it during this time because you need to be in your right mind right now if you go into this thing. You know, you're not trying to hide from it, trying to face it so you can overcome it, okay? Avoid social media if it's triggering. You know, because people say anything on social media. They talk about a lot of stuff. We're talking about this. This can be triggering to a lot of people, but this is a safe haven to talk about this situation. Not a lot of people are trying to talk about it. We are. I think we one of the few who are trying to talk about it on a public scale like this. Your nervous system needs extra resources right now. That's why you have to get your body right, get the extra sleep, lay off of the substances, lay off of the alcohol, eat nourishing food, you know, exercise. You're trying to get yourself prepared, okay, to go to this thing. Okay, on the day of, before you go to the dinner, gathering, party, whatever case it might be, it's the things you should probably do. Take a cold shower or throw some cold water on your face. Do 10 minutes of the breathing exercises that we talked about. Listen to music to come. She play some jazz, you know what I'm saying? Some RB.
SPEAKER_00:Spend some time in nature, you know, go in the backyard, stretch, and journal about how you want to show up to this thing.
SPEAKER_02:The ritual tells your nervous system, okay, I'm prepared, I'm rooted, I'm grounded, I can do this. That's why we do this. We're trying to teach ourselves how to overcome things. Throughout the holiday, check in with yourself. How am I feeling right now? Do I need to take a break? Do I need to go outside for a minute? Do I need to talk to my safe person?
SPEAKER_00:Am I still safe?
SPEAKER_02:Where does where's that mother scratcher at?
SPEAKER_00:Make sure I know where they at.
SPEAKER_02:These check-ins help you stay aware and responsive to your needs. Managing your emotional state before the holiday is about preparation and self-care. You're building a foundation so that you can handle what comes. Here's something powerful. You get to decide what the holidays mean to you. For years, I believed the narrative that the holidays should be about family, that I should be grateful, that I should enjoy time with people who hurt me.
SPEAKER_00:But that narrative was killing me though.
SPEAKER_02:So I had to change it a little bit. The old narrative was the holidays were about family togetherness. I should enjoy it. If I don't, something's wrong with me. New narrative should be holidays are what I make them. I get to choose how I spend my time and who I spend it with. If that means spending the holidays alone or with a chosen family member, that's okay. Old narrative, I should be grateful for what I have, even if family hurts me. The new narrative should be I can acknowledge the good in my life while also honoring the pain of my past. Gratitude and grief can coexist. Old narrative. If I don't attend family gatherings, I'm selfish and I'm ungrateful. The new narrative should say something like I'm protecting my mental health. And that's not selfish. It's necessary. And if the most loving thing I can do for myself is to protect myself, that's what I'm gonna do. The holidays should be happy. If I'm sad or angry, I'm failing. That's the old narrative. The new narrative should say. The holidays bring up whatever emotions that come up. Whatever comes what may. Sadness, anger, grief, they're all valid.
SPEAKER_00:They're emotions. They're my emotions. I don't have to be happy. If I'm feeling a certain kind of way, that's how I'm feeling. If I'm pissed, I'm pissed. That's how I'm feeling. It's valid. If I'm angry, I'm angry. It's valid. It's my emotions. You can't tell me how to feel. So this is how we started reframing this thing. I gotta kind of hurry up.
SPEAKER_02:You gotta think about what narrative have you been living with? What beliefs do you have about the holidays? Write them down and be honest. Is this story true? Or is it a story you inherited from your family or culture? Does this story serve you or does it hurt you?
SPEAKER_00:You have to question the story. Then you create a new one. What narrative will serve you better? What do you want the holidays to mean?
SPEAKER_02:Write down your news story. Make it specific to you and make it something you believe in. Not what everybody else expects you to do. Live the new story, okay? Every time the old narrative pops up, stop. Think about it. Remind yourself of the news story. Then choose the new narrative. This takes a little bit of practice, but over time your news story comes your reality. And that's where we're trying to get to. The new narratives can be the holidays are about honoring myself and my healing. It could be I get to choose who I spend my holidays with. Or I can feel my sadness and still find moments of peace. It could be the holidays are a time to celebrate how far I've come. Or my chosen family is just as valid as my biological family. Your narrative shapes your reality.
SPEAKER_00:If you change the story, you change the experience. Okay, so you reframed your narrative, you set boundaries.
SPEAKER_02:Now, what do you actually do when you're at the gathering and you start to feel triggered? Bathroom break. Excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, lock the door. Take some deep breaths. Splash cold water on your face. Ground yourself again. Bathroom is your safe place. Use it. Can nobody come in there with you? And if they breaking in the door while you're there, that means you there by yourself with your cute. You ain't trying to be nowhere where you by yourself with that person. It's family there, right?
SPEAKER_00:That's why you get there late.
SPEAKER_02:You don't get there on time. Because if you get there early or on time, it could be just a one-on-one situation. Always get there late if that's the case. Okay. Huh. Step outside, get some fresh air, feel the ground beneath your feet.
SPEAKER_00:Look at the sky. I always find that to be calming when I look up. Clouds, airplanes flying. Nature is grounding. It brings you back to the present moment. Name five things you can see. Four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, one you can taste. But you gotta name five things you can see first.
SPEAKER_02:But this brings you back to the present moment out of the trauma response. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, breathe out for four counts, hold for four counts. That's the four-four-four method, the box breathing. Repeat that five to ten times. This calms your nervous system. It tells your body you're safe. If you can, move your body. Take a walk, do stretches, dance. Movement helps to process the stress the little distress stored inside your body. If you have someone you trust, reach out to them. Quick text, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, phone call.
SPEAKER_00:Just knowing someone is there for you can help. Sometimes a distraction helps.
SPEAKER_02:Read a book, play a game on your phone, watch a video, do something that takes your mind off the stress. This isn't avoidance. This is a temporary break so your nervous system can calm down. Okay? If there's a quiet space, write down what you're feeling. Get it out of your head and onto paper. Obviously, you can't take a big old notebook for that, so get you a little notepad. Some little small notepad, like what the police have when they're writing down a little information or whatever. Get one of those and take keep it with you. Bring something with you that grounds you, a smooth stone, a piece of jewelry, a photo, something you can hold on and focus on. Tell yourself, I only have to be here for two more hours. Breaking the time into chunks makes it feel more manageable. Or you don't have to say two hours. You can say, I'm only gonna be here for an hour. Whatever, whatever you feel comfortable with. If you can listen to some music that comes, you put your earbuds in, listen to something soothing, Susie. I don't know who Susie is. That's why that came out like that. But anyway, listen to something soothing. I almost did it twice. Music is a powerful medicine, y'all. Talk to yourself. I'm safe right now. Just the past. I can handle this. I'm doing the best I can. You know what? I'm proud of myself for being here. I know I can step up and do this. Positive self-talk helps you stay grounded and reminds you of your strength. Okay? You have tools, you have strategies, you can handle this. And if you can't, it's okay to leave. Nobody's stopping you. So here's something powerful. You don't have to repeat the same holiday patterns year after year. You can create new traditions, traditions honoring your healing, traditions that feel good to you, okay? New traditions matter because old holidays might be tied to trauma that you've had in the past. They might be tied to family dysfunction, they might trigger you every single year. So you have to build new traditions for you that are yours, that are healing, and that are intentional, okay? Spend the holidays alone doing the things you love. Cook your favorite meal, watch your favorite movies, take a long bath, read a book, journal, meditate, create art, make it special for you. Make it about honoring yourself, not trying to be egotistical, not trying to be narcissistic, but you need to spend time with you. And a lot more often than not, even though we isolate ourselves, we don't isolate ourselves focusing on self-care. We isolate ourselves to focus on staying away from others, staying away from hurt, not building trust with ourselves or building a safe place with ourselves. We we need to start doing that. So you can gather with people who make you feel safe in love, people who aren't your biological family, but who feel like family. I know I have. Cook together, share stories, celebrate with each other, spend the holidays helping others, volunteer at a shelter, help a friend, donate to causes you care about. Look, I did that stuff, and it helped me a lot. It did. I ain't gonna lie. It's something that feels very, very, very comforting and healing, helping somebody else. Create a ritual that honors your healing journey, like light a candle for yourself, write a letter to your younger self, create a vision board for the new year, do a cleansing ritual, do a bath, smudging, whatever. Plant a tree or a flower to symbolize growth in your life. Do something you never did before. How about taking a trip? How about trying a new activity? Go join a kickboxing academy, dojo, or something. Explore a new place. When you ain't never been to the museum, let's go to the museum. Let me check that out. Let's try something. Learn something new. I wanted to learn Mandarin. I ain't gonna lie. I always wanted to learn Mandarin. I even bought program back in the day. I can't even remember. It was Rosetta Stone or something like that. And I started trying to learn it and something happened. I ended up getting away from it, but I want to learn something new. I think I'm gonna try to get back into Mandarin again. The holidays don't have to be about sitting at home, they can be about adventure and discovery. So you can make it enjoyable for yourself. Create expression like writing, painting, making music if you're musically inclined. Or create something beautiful, like a flower wreath or something like that. I don't know. I'm just throwing stuff out there. But creativity is healing. Spend some in nature, go hiking, walk in the park, like I said earlier, sit by the water like the river. We got the Detroit River. Man, that's nice. But it's kind of cold right now. So maybe not that right now, walking in the park. But you can like walk around an indoor track or something, you know, or just walk around, like go to well, you can't go down there no more. The Renaissance would have been a nice place. Well, you can go to a mall and walk around in a mall, but that's not really outdoors. In the cold, it's kind of hard to think about something. Ice skating. Why didn't they do that? They got an ice skating park downtown. So you can do that. Well, anyway, you're not gonna sit under the stars. It's too cold to sit under the stars. But you can watch a sunrise or a sunset, you know, from inside the house. Nature is grounding and healing. You can do a self-care retreat, get a massage, take a long bath, do face mask, sleep in. When is the last time I slept in? I've been working. Um, rest, nourish yourself, you know, get a good, wholesome soul food meal or something like that. You deserve to be pampered. Instead of forced gratitude, practice authentic gratitude. Write down three things you're genuinely grateful for. Thank someone who's helped you. Acknowledge your own strength and resilience. Authentic gratitude is powerful. Okay? Schedule a therapy session around the holidays and use it to process what comes up. Professional support. I always say this: get professional support. It's like a gift to yourself. Ask yourself, what would feel healing to me? What brings me joy? What honors my journey? What can I do that's just for me? Then commit to it. Make it a tradition. Do it every year. You create the holidays that feel good to you. Okay? Holidays that honor your healing. That's your right. Before we wrap up, I want to make sure you have resources because sometimes, despite all the planning and coping mechanism, holidays can still become a crisis. And that's okay. That's when you reach out for help. National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is 988. They're available 24-7, free and confidential. The Crisis Text Line, text H O M E to 47. Sorry. Text home H-O-M-E to 741-741. It's a text-based crisis support. It's available 24-7. I don't even want to why I'm saying 24-7. All these numbers I'm giving you, these resources, they're all available 24-7. There's no pause in that, no downtime. National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-4673. And if you notice, this little ticker-tate thing down here at the bottom of your screen. I don't know if you can see this. I'm pointing down. I'm trying to get everybody to look down. That thing has numbers for you. So if you can look down at it, it'll tell you about all the numbers I'm telling you about right now. National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. If you're in an abusive relationship, you need help. The National Human Trafficking Hotline is 188-373788. If you know someone, or if someone you know is being trafficked, you know, if you are or someone else. Feeling completely overwhelmed, like you just can't do it no more. If you're in physical danger, somebody's really coming after you, unable to care for yourself, or experiencing a mental health crisis, you feel like you're about to have a breakdown. That's when you reach out. How to reach out? You call one of those crisis lines I mentioned, or one that you see down here at the bottom of the screen, okay? Ones down there. Text the crisis line, go to an emergency room, call 911, go to a fire station, go to a police station. If you need help, those are the places you can immediately go to. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member. Contact your therapist if you have one. Or join an online support group. But I wouldn't recommend that if you need immediate help. I'd ask you to call one of these numbers that you see listed down below, or the ones that I've just talked to you about. You don't have to handle this crisis alone if you're in a crisis state. Help is available, so please, please, please reach out. Okay. Crisis resources exist because people care about you and they want to help you survive. Use them. You deserve the support. Okay? Now the holidays are coming. And if you're a trauma survivor, they're going to be hard. But now you got tools, you have strategies, and you have support. Here's what I want you to do. Decide how you're going to approach the holidays. Will you attend family gatherings or not? If yes, what boundaries do you need? Think about that. Think about who you could reach out to if you're struggling. Make a list. Save those numbers. Which strategies resonate with you? Pick three to five strategies and then practice them before the holidays. What will feel healing to you? Start planning that right now before the holidays even get here. Okay? If you have a therapist, schedule sessions around the holidays. If you don't have one, find one. They're not just there just to talk to you, they're there to really help you. They're very good at their jobs. At least the one I talked to. I ain't gonna lie. Write down the crisis hotlines. Save them in your phone. Know where to turn if you need to help. Okay. Be gentle with yourself. Know that you're doing the best you can, and that's enough. If this story, this episode, this information, these numbers, if they help you, tell us. We need to hear about your story. Your story might help someone else know that they're not alone. Know that they can come here and get help. We're not professionals. We're trying to do this together, though. And together we can share information that can lift ourselves up. And that's what this community is about. New episodes drop every week, every Saturday, right here on the YouTube channel, Terror to Triumph Live, or on BuzzSprout at www.teratotriumph.buzzsprout.com or on the many affiliate podcast platforms, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Deezer, Castbox. There are a lot. And I know I don't have time to really tell tell you about all of them. But I just want you to know whatever your favorite platform is to listen to a podcast, we're probably on that. So go check it out. We just signed up to Twitch, Kick, and what was the other one? No, there was only two more we just signed up to. That's Twitch and Kick. So we're on a lot of different streaming platforms. So please do yourself a favor. Check us out on whatever platform that you have currently. And check us out, man. Listen to our episodes. We're here to help. Okay? You're not alone in this. Millions of survivors are navigating the holidays right now, and we're all doing the best we can. And that's that's enough. But right now, this this episode is for you guys. It's for you to learn how to navigate through this trying season. Okay? Before we go, I want to say something to everybody listening. All right. The holidays don't have to look like what you've been told they should look like. They don't have to involve your biological family. They don't have to be happy or merry or bright. The holidays can be quiet. They can be sad, somber, they can be healing.
SPEAKER_00:They can be whatever you need them to be. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:You get to decide. You get to choose. You get to create holidays that honor your journey and your healing. Holidays are a time of reflection, a time of gratitude, and a time of hope, but they can also be a time of grief, pain, and struggle for many survivors.
SPEAKER_00:Both are true. Both are true.
SPEAKER_02:And you can feel grief and hope at the same time. You can feel pain and peace at the same time. Honor whatever you're feeling. Be gentle with yourself. Reach out for support.
SPEAKER_00:And remember you're worthy of healing. You're worthy of peace.
SPEAKER_02:You're worthy of holidays that feel good to you. Now before I close, I want to tell you about something that helped keep this podcast running, that helps keep this podcast running. Terror to Triumph is supported by Pelts Emporium, okay? Every purchase from Pelts Emporium helps fund this podcast and keeps these conversations going. We offer sportswear, merchandise, t-shirts, hoodies, jerseys, hats, shoes, and other artistically created items designed to appease and inspire. Check out our collection and support the podcast at the same time. You know, I don't want to ask for donations. That's why I kind of created the podcast Peltz Emporium merchandise store so I could give to somebody something that would make them feel, okay, I've supported this, but you have something to show for it. You're not just giving money. You know what I'm saying? So this is this is a way of me trying to give you something for helping us. Thank you for your continued support. We appreciate it. You can find us at peltsemporium.com. That's www.com. Remember, the slogan there is we are all beautiful. Okay. Next week after the holidays, we'll be diving into episode 10. Understanding trauma responses and why does it, why your body does what it does. Okay? Trying to figure out why we have these responses. We're going to explore the neuroscience of trauma, why your body freezes, why you have nightmares, why certain things trigger you. It's going to be powerful. I hope you join us for that. There's going to be some information there we all could use. I'm Afonso Pelt. This is Terror to Triumph. Thanks again for your courage, your journey. Thank you for trusting me with your journey. Thank you for allowing me to tell my story. Thank you for showing up, and thank you for trusting me with your with your journey. Take care of yourself this holiday season. You deserve it.
SPEAKER_00:We'll see you after the holidays. Take care. Technical difficulties, I tell you. And this is a holiday season, right?
SPEAKER_02:So yeah, I expect something different to happen. This is different. It doesn't want us to leave. So I guess for whoever is still here, it's uh giving you the number to rain at the bottom. That's the number I didn't mention. One eight hundred six five six Hope.
SPEAKER_00:H O P E. Okay. Take care, everybody.
