REACT SERIES PART 3 – ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK: Fight Response

We've talked about fawning—appeasing to survive. We've talked about flight—running to survive. Now we're talking about fight: the response where you stand your ground, where you rage, where you defend yourself with aggression.

If you grew up in an abusive home, fight might have been your armor. It might still be. Today, we're breaking down what fight looks like, why it happens, and how to channel that power into something that actually protects you.

Transcript

Welcome And Key Announcements

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome, welcome, welcome, everybody to Terror to Triumph, the podcast for survivors. We are here tonight. I'm Alfonso Pelt. This is my lovely co-host Storm. How are you doing, Storm?

SPEAKER_03 0:16

I'm fine. I'm fine.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

All right. That's what I'm talking about. We always got to be pushing the positive because we got a lot of stuff that we talk about. You'll have us laughing and joking, trying to air light. These topics need to be discussed. We're always on the topic of childhood abuse and how it fares in adulthood trying to deal with abuse that you haven't addressed. So, tonight's episode, we're starting the third part in the series, the React series, which is all about your reactions to the trauma that you've experienced. And we're going to get into that in just a moment. But first, I got a couple of announcements for you guys. This Saturday, May 9th at 9.30 p.m. Yeah, that's clapworthy. That's clapworthy. Okay. At 9.30 p.m., we have a special guest. Dr. David Marcus, a psychologist, is going to be with us. He's a survivor, and he's got an awesome story to share with us. I need you guys to be here for that information he's going to share. He's got a lot of stuff to tell you. And I'm so grateful for God opening these doors to let these people come and share with you guys so you can get the benefits. That's what it's about. It's about you receiving the help that you need. Okay, with that being said, the next special announcement is the next special guest coming up right behind them, May 16th. These are both Saturday episodes, guys, so I just wanted to put that out there. May 16th at 9:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, we have Tracy Smaldino. She's a podcast host and very successful at it. She has a tremendous story to tell you guys about how to recover. She has a lot to share. I'm excited. I'm really excited about what's coming up. And the next 13 or so people lined up to get on the show. Hey, it's going down. You guys are awesome for being here, for trying to get your journey started in your healing. I'm excited for you. I want you to get that healing. I want you to be whole. I want you to be the person God meant for you to be. And it all starts with facing your fears and opening up and being vocal about what happened to you. So, okay, without now that the major announcements are out of the way, the regular stuff comes. Pell Symphorium. Go to Pell Symphorium, shop at Pell Symporium. That helps us keep the bills paid and help keep the lights on and help keep the conversations going. Okay. Also, YouTube. Our YouTube channel is Terra 2 Triumph Live. So T-E-R-R-O-R-T-O-T-R-I-U-M-P-H-L-I-V-E. I sound like I'm rapping or something. But this is the place to go if you want to watch the past videos. We also have podcasts, which is audio versions of the same show that you're watching. But they're already, it's already happened. So you'll have the audio version if you can't watch physically, I mean visually, you might be at work or something, and you want to listen to the podcast. That's cool. So we're on main platforms. We're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify. We're on Deezer. Well, we used to be on Deezer, uh, Buzz Sprout. We're on Buzz Sprout, and Buzz Sprout does not affiliate with Deezer right now. They're only in Europe. So we don't have Deezer anymore, but we do have Castbox, Castro. We have Index. What is it? Podcast Index and Podcast Addict. We have listen notes. I mean, we're everywhere. So just look up on your favorite platform that you use and look up Terra to Triumph and we'll be there. Also, we are now on Riverside. Okay, guys, we made the switch. We're on Riverside now. So go look us up. You go to Riverside.com, look up Terra to Triumph, you'll find us there. Okay. So now all of the announcements are finally

React Series Returns With Fight

SPEAKER_00 4:45

out the way. I can finally get started with the episode. Okay, so now we in our series, the React series, we talked about funny that's appeasing people to survive. And then the last time we talked about, we talked about flight. We talked about running to survive or escaping to survive. Tonight we're gonna talk about fight. We're talking about fight. Fight is the response where you stand your ground, where you rage, where you defend yourself with aggression. Okay? If you grew up in an abusive home, fight might have been your armor. It might still be. Today we're breaking down what fight looks like, why it happens, and how to channel that power into something that actually protects you. Protects you, excuse me. The flight res uh the fight response is the body's instinct to defend against danger. According to Rain, R-A-I-N-N, the fight response may involve yelling, pushing, hitting, or trying to escape through confrontation. It's not a choice, it's an automatic survival mechanism. When you're a little bit when you were a child in an abusive home, fight might mean taking back or talking back rather to an abuser physically resisting or standing up for yourself or for a sibling, for that matter. But here's the thing, right? If you're a kid and you fight back against an adult, you lose. You can't win against an adult as a kid. So the abuse escalates. So the fight becomes risky. But some kids do it anyway because the alternative is complete powerlessness. So you you you get where I'm going with this, right? So as an adult, fight shows up as anger, aggression, defensiveness, and confrontation. According to National, to the National Center for PTSD, many people feel angry after trauma. Anger helps us cope with life stresses

Why Fight Takes Over The Brain

SPEAKER_00 7:18

by giving us energy to keep going in the face of danger or trouble. Here's the neurobiologi neurobiology, okay? When your nervous system perceives a threat, your sympathetic nervous system activates adrenaline and cortisol floods your body. Your muscles tense, your heart rate increases, blood flows to your limbs, preparing you to fight. Your prefrontal prefrontal cortex, the rational part of your brain goes offline. You're in pure survival mode at that point. So for a child in an abusive home, this response makes sense. Because fighting back, even if it didn't work, was better than complete surrender. It preserved a sense of agency, urgency, agency. Well, what kind of fits? So, but now as an adult, that same fight response might be destroying your relationships, your career, and your peace.

SPEAKER_05 8:29

Well, flight, what fight looks like what fight looks like now. Flight doesn't always look like physical violence. Flight doesn't always look like physical violence. In fact, for many survivors, for many survivors, it's more stable. But just as destructive, let me just destruct it, let me walk you through it.

How Fight Shows Up Today

SPEAKER_05 8:51

Explosive anger, you have explosive anger, you have sudden intense. Something small triggers you and you explode, you yell, you say things you regret, you bring things. The intensity is this disportant, proportionate trigger to the trigger actually. Because you're not actually angry about the principle about the past. You're anger about the past. Defensive aggressive. Defensive aggressive. You're always ready for a fight. You're interpreting interpret neural comments as a test. Comments as a test. You argue about every dying. You can't let anything go. You need to be right. You need to be right even when men right cause you the relationship. Verbal aggression. Verbal aggression. We use words as weapons. Sarcastic. Cutting. Critical. Critical. You know it's sexual to hurt someone. You may gaslight, you may gaslight, blame, or shame things to maintain control. Control. Physical aggression. Physical aggression. You punch wild. Draw things. Draw things. Physically lash out. You might lash out. You might not hit people, but you are always on the edge of it. But you are always on the edge of it. Your body is ready to fight at any moment. Controlled, controlling behavior. Controlled, controlling behavior. Fight shows up as control. Fight shows up as control. And we need to control your environment. Your partner, your partner, your kids, your partner, your kids, your circumstances. Because you're not in control. Because you're not in control. You're vulnerable. And vulnerable feels like death. You always scanning for drips. You are reading people's faces, tones, you're reading people's faces, tones of voice, body language. You're looking for signs of a dream system. Your nervous system is in combat mode. Combat mode. According to the national child, according to the national traumatic stress net, traumatic stress network. Children who survive drugs. They may re-mind us with anger, sadness, anger, sadness, or abortness. The painful part, fighting. The painful pushes away the fight. You're too much. You're a danger. You're too unnovable. You're a danger. You're unlovable.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

Here's what chronic fight costs you your health, your relationships, and your peaks.

The Real Cost Of Constant Combat

SPEAKER_00 12:05

Neurologically, when you're in a constant state of fight, your body is flooded with stress hormones. According to research from PTSD UK, increased anger in trauma survivors occurs as a consequence of how trauma changes the brain to recognize potential threats. In other words, your brain is wired to see danger everywhere. It's hypervigilant and it's exhausted. Over time, this chronic activation leads to high blood pressure, heart disease, a weakened immune system, and chronic pain. Your body is literally wearing itself down from being ready to fight as deep. I wonder if I'm going through something. There's also the relational cost. Right? Because fight creates distance. And people don't feel safe around you because you always trying to start something up. Think about it that way. Even if they love you, they're walking on eggshells around you because they don't want to trigger you. And that isolation deepens the trauma. So it kind of clicks, right? So if you think about somebody who like us is a survivor, and we have that fight response. You know, we're argumentative, we're combative, combative, we're always disagreeing, we're always mean with our words, really sharp tongue, and um we're defensive. It's a put-off, right? But at the same time, in our minds, we want love, but that's self-sabotage because we're doing things to count what we want. So there's professional cost too. Anger outbursts at work can cost you your jobs. I mean, that's kind of like understandable. Defensiveness can prevent you from receiving feedback or growing because you'll always look at somebody who's trying to give you constructive criticism as an attack. So your fight response, which was meant to protect you, is actually limiting your life or livelihood. And then there's the spiritual cost. Because fight keeps you in the state of war with others, with yourself, and with life in general. You can't rest, you cannot trust, and you cannot surrender. You're always braced for battle. But here's the truth that fight response that kept you alive, it did, if you think about it. It really did keep you alive. It gave you agency when you had none. It protected you when no one else would. That's not weakness. That's survival. The work now is learning to direct that power towards things that actually serve you.

SPEAKER_05 15:31

Channel and fight, channel and fight power. So how you how do you heal from power? How do you heal from chronic fight? How do you channel that? How do you channel that into something?

Practical Ways To Channel Anger

SPEAKER_05 15:51

Recognize the fight impulse. When you feel angerized, when you feel angerized in cause, don't act just know self. Ask yourself about this is about then. Second, your body, the nervous system needs to display energy that fights energy intensely. Screen into a kill, screen into the body a safe way. Give your body a safe way to express the rage that's been stored here. Third, use your voice differently. Use your voice differently instead of yelling at voice to set out to set some reason. Practice the pause. You feel triggerless before you receive to bring the team. This give you your prefawnal, cornfawnal cortex time to come back online. Literally rewind, literally rewind your nervous system to have choice. And learn new ways to respond. And learn new ways to respond. Six, channel your intensity into purpose. Channel your intensity into purpose, energy. It can fuel it can fuel ethnicity, boundary settings, empathy, and protection of others into something meaningful. Seven, practice self-compassion. You fought because you had to bring it. Now you're learning to brilliant. Now you're learning to fight for your healthier way self and help your boundaries, drew voice, boundaries, through voice, drew princess.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

Your anger is valid. Your rage is real. And it's time to use that power to protect yourself, not the destroyer.

SPEAKER_05 18:23

So next week on the React Next Series, we're driving into the freeze. We're driving into the freeze shutdown, disassociated. Remember, you're not broken. And now you're learning to fight for yourself. And now you're learning to actually in ways that actually work.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

That's true.

Childhood And Relationship Triggers

SPEAKER_00 18:45

So, Storm, does any of this resonate with you that we talked about tonight? I know it did with me.

SPEAKER_05 18:54

Yes. Yes. In relationships, you know. In relationships, you know, like just doing stupid stuff. Doing stuff stupid stuff that, you know, that's meaningless because you attack because you attack your partner for no for no reason. For no reason.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

Like, I think about me as a kid when I wanted to react, couldn't I couldn't react to the parents, even though I did once, and that went very poorly. But I would often take my aggression out in my my room. Because I want I had to get it off me. It was like an overwhelming urge to do something. And people say Al don't keep his toys. Al, you know, he don't try to keep nothing. He are he always destructive with his toys. It was. You know, I looked at it as you bought me these things, but you don't show me affection. So it was just to appease me when you bought these things. Then I threw them and I thought to myself, as I'm throwing or destroying my stuff, I'm thinking, you really care about money. I know this is gonna piss you off. And I know it's gonna piss you off because you bought something and I'm up here destroying what you bought me. And I know you care about that, you know, more so than you care about me. So that was my way of fighting back. I mean, it's stupid, but it is is a I was a kid, you know? And that's that's what I was thinking, you know. It was it was weird. It was weird. But I did all the stuff that they would talk about. I threw the stuff, destroyed stuff, and I started punching the walls or whatever, you know, but uh I couldn't do that to them, obviously. They whooped me up with the quickness. I mean, I I couldn't fight back to them, you know. But uh I did it. I had a very uh sharp anger that was dwelling within me. And uh think about that in adulthood. I was I got I had a sharp tongue and and I was at a point where I was like not caring, you know, speaking what I felt, if I felt somebody was saying something out the way to me, or if they were trying to get down on me, or whatever the case may be, that I was I was standing up for myself. I'd I'd speak up for myself, but the crazy part is because of the trauma that's being a trauma response was not really part of who I was. That was just the reaction to what I perceived and As a threat, a veiled threat, or somebody being aggressive towards me, or somebody trying to be controlling to me, you know, so I lash out or I say something sharp. And I know I had people look at me some kind of way sometimes, like, really? You going there? But there were times that people did try to try me. And I got right back with them. And I hit them harder than they hit me. And that didn't always go over. So you know, you know, so I say that to say that in my trauma response, you know, my reactions were far overreaching because like we talked about in previous episodes, that the reaction does not match the conversation. It was like way more than the conversation. So when talking to somebody and you're just having a regular conversation, man, F that, F that, man, no, man, bump that. You know, you get a little out there, you know, and everybody looking like, whoa. I'm gonna bring up an example. Now, I can't remember exactly why. But the family, my family went to go visit my brother. And we were we were all chilling at his house one evening, and we had drinks or whatever. And then my nephew said something out the way to me. And it felt like an attack. I ain't gonna lie. And that's my nephew, nah. And I started to get riled up. And it I was going there. And my brother had to step in, like, hey, hey, hey, nah, hey, nah. That's had to had to step in and say something because we was gonna go there. I mean, he was trying to crack a joke on me in front of everybody and all that stuff, and I wasn't feeling it. I just wanted to chill. He wanted to, you know, make me the butt of the subject. I mean, it was it was all light and humor and everything, but the trauma in me, you know what I'm saying? That that part, that's what was causing me to go there. And that's my nephew. I love my nephew. But, you know, looking back, you know, even with like I tell y'all, you know, sometimes even though I do the research and and I set these series up or these episodes up to give y'all information, sometimes I glance over the information, don't understand it, or I don't perceive it, or I don't register it in my mind until we actually on the show. That's like right now. Because thinking about that instance and how I started getting aggressive over something that really wasn't aggressive. He wasn't attacking me. He wasn't really attacking. I wasn't in any real threat, but that was the trauma speaking. That was the trauma speaking. And Neff, you know, I apologize for that, you know. But I didn't even know what was going on with me then. You know, I had an inkling, but I was in denial. I didn't want to address it. And I just wanted it to be shoved up underneath the ground somewhere. But now, you know, through talking and voicing your opinion and listening and learning about these things, they help. I'm sure, I'm sure somebody out there has been feeling what we're going through, what we're feeling. Because these emotions are not just something that's, you know, like clothes. You don't just put them on and take them off. And then that's that. You know what I'm saying? These things are stuck with us. They're a part of us. And with trauma, unaddressed trauma, then that rides with you. It's like your ride or dies. It's a shotgun. It's sitting in the seat right next to you, and it's ready to roll. You know what I'm saying? Whenever you are. But the problem is the situation may not call for it. And you being over, over 200,000 percent over, and that doesn't help you or the situation that you're in. As a matter of fact, it's making it worse. So, Storm, what what do you think about all this information?

SPEAKER_05 26:26

It's a lot. It's a lot. And then you know that I have been in different situations where you know that I have been in different situations where I have attacked people, then you know, all I can say today is say today is, you know, apologize for my reactions if I offended anybody. But uh it was trauma response. It was trauma response at the time. You know, I just know that I was in. I just noted it. I was acting off of it was something that hit me, it was something that hit me to my heart, and I responded. And I responded, you know, like edged with an edge, with a edge, with a hate, with uh, with a hate, with a and hate is uh hate word, it's like a word, it's a word that you don't want to use.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

I can think of some words. I don't I can think of a lot of words I don't want to use. But yeah, hate is up there. You know, you don't want to be that person, you know, to say, oh then we don't want to go around that person. Because they always, you know, gonna go off, you know. They they got an attitude or whatever the case may be. They're like, oh damn, they they ain't they ain't got a mm-mm. You don't want to go around them. So you

A Trauma Reaction With Life Consequences

SPEAKER_00 27:45

don't want to be that person. So let me tell you another story. I'm about to tell something quite revealing about myself. Like I said, this is honest, open discussion on this platform and full disclosure. So uh my arrest, right? Went to prison and served a year in prison. And the reason I went to prison was predicated on this very subject. How it all began was a buildup over a couple of decades, I guess you could say. I had some friends from high school, and uh it was like three, three guys, four guys, four of us. We were really tight back then. And uh as we graduated and went into adulthood, one of our friends got married, fresh out of high school. And the rest of us were like, bro, what are you doing? You why are you getting married? You just met this girl, and all of a sudden you head over heels. And you know, we we questioned it because we was like, dang, we really young and we not established, but you jumping right off the D B and already. How is that? You know, why is that? Well, needless to say, because of how we felt, I think he went back and told his wife. So naturally, at this point, his wife does not like us anymore. And over the years, it got to the point where she was becoming very vocal about how she felt about us. And it got to the point where we would call, you know, to talk to him. She would answer the phone and instantly have an attitude and be going off on us. So I backed away. You know, I said, I don't want to lose my friend and I'm trying to respect his marriage. I don't want to call and say something out the way, because I know me. You know, back then, like I said, the trauma response, I knew that if that came up, I might say something. And I valued my friendship so much that I said, I'm not calling. Maybe if I'm on a three-way with somebody else, they answer the phone when she picks up instead of me. I just be silent in the background, and then I'll talk to my boy then after he picked up the phone. But that went on for some years. Then I got married, then I got divorced, and uh, through that marriage, I I learned about child rearing. And because my ex-wife at that point had two children, which I I really cared and loved for, and uh I still do, to be honest with you. My friend saw that in me, and he was wondering, how did I get along with the kids? They're not my kids, but how did I get along with them? And uh he was starting to have problems with his oldest, and he called me one day. I can't do anything. I don't understand. She's she all over the place, and I try to rear her, you know, and that's all I know how to do. I feel like I'm losing her. And my heart went out to him. I don't want to see my boy hurting like that. So I sat down and I tried to talk to him about, you know, you can do boys the way we was raised, but well, not exactly the way we was raised, but boys is different from girls. And I went down through the explanation. You gotta be soft with a girl, you gotta talk to her, you gotta let her trust you. You can't just go upside her head all the time, because then she's gonna bottle up and she's gonna turn away from you. She's not gonna talk to you no more, right? So I talked to him about this over a couple days, and I guess he tried it out and it didn't work. And he came back to me and told me, and I'm like, I don't, I don't know what to do at this point, because I mean it's really not my position to do anything, really, but this my boy, right? This I came up with him. You know, we high school, we still we adults now. We in our early or late 20s, early 30s at this point. So I'm like, okay, look, I could I could be the middleman. You know what I'm saying? We already cool because oh, that's a part I left out about her christening when she was younger. But I'm not, I'm I'm not gonna go in there because I get long-winded. Anyway, long story short, I try to play the middleman and uh because I was her favorite, or she said I was her favorite godfather. So I said, give me your, give me let me get her email address and we'll correspond that way. Something comes up, I'll let you know what's happening, and then I can show you the emails and what she's saying and all that kind of stuff. Okay, cool. He came over, we exchanged everything right in front of each other and all that stuff. Everything cool. So the next day she hit me up, talking about school and all this kind of stuff. Then she told me she had a boyfriend and he didn't go to school. He was older and all this other kind of. I'm like, whoa. So I'm like, I don't know how to tell my boy because he's gonna blow the hell up. I'm surprised she even brought that to me. You know what I'm saying? So I'm like, whoa, you know. Damn. I said, but I gotta tell him because nah I don't want this other guy, this predator, you know, talking to my boy girl. You know what I'm saying? So before I could formulate this in my head, a question came across the screen. If you had me, what would you do with me? I instantly knew that was not her. I instantly knew that was not her at that point. I was taken aback. I was like, I just looked at that email for like two days. There was no other response. Now, mind you, up until this point, it was like two weeks up until that question came up. Her mind was all over the place. She was talking about boys, music, this, that, and the other. And it's typical, you know, for a minor, a 13-year-old. I expect her to be everywhere. Because she's trying to explore, she's trying to learn, she's trying to figure out things. She's supposed to be everywhere in her head. But this question became the sole focus over the next couple days. There was no other talk about anything else. I said, this is not this girl no more. I'm thinking it's the mother trying to say something about me. Now, a little caveat right here. I used to run an adult pornography website back then. I told y'all I was out there and a full disclosure. So this is the truth. So I used to run this site. I only ran it for a short period of time, and I had to shut it down because it was some technical difficulties with the web posts and all that stuff. But I still had the material that I created for this site. So when that question came up and my mind went to think this is the mother trying to say some BS about me, I blew up. I said, Oh, you want to see? You want, you think this is what I do? I go after kids? Let me show you what I do. And then I started showing. I started saying all this. And I sent the pictures. And that's why I went to prison because I did send pornographic pictures to a minor's email address, even though I'm not thinking that was a minor on the line at the time. But I did do that, and that was a trauma response. Do y'all see how dangerous that can be? I did not know that at the time, that that was a trauma response. And this is this is what I'm talking about. Real healing comes from talking about it. If you don't talk about it, you can't heal. And if you stay bottled up, you can't heal. If if somebody else talking about what's going on around you can help you break your silence, you can start the path to healing. That's what this show is about. That's why I say full disclosure. That's why I tell y'all that it's important to speak up. Even about the things that hurt us, you got to speak up. Because if you don't, you'll never grow. You'll stay wherever you are at, where that trauma hit you, you're gonna be there forever if you do not face it. I don't want y'all to be like that. I was stuck like that. 54 years. Okay, well, minus the five. So let's say 49. 49 years stuck like that. That's longer than some of y'all have been alive. Can you imagine 49 years of all that turmoil in your mind? Wondering why you act certain ways, wondering why you do certain things, but you can't put your finger on them. Because you ain't dealing with that in the past. You don't think that even got anything to do with what you're doing right now. But it does. You just don't know it. Because you haven't faced it. And I think about this. This is another thing. I'm going off on a tangent right now, but please forgive me, Storm. Forgive me, y'all. I'm about to go off on a tangent right here. But concerning survivors, you know, those of us who have not addressed the issues that we have, we go forward and we commit and do things that we wouldn't normally do if we had never received that trauma. It changes us. When you rewrite your nervous system to address the trauma situation, that changes our outlook on life. It changes our outlook on people. It changes our thinking pattern. It allows us to accept things. Normal people who haven't, well, I shouldn't say normal people, we're all normal people, but we're just, we've just been abused. We're not broken. We just had to learn to rethink. And that process, to get to that point, that process, it takes a lot of introspection. If you say to yourself, I need help. It took me two failed marriages for me to really grasp that I need to do something about this. I'm tired of being like this. I'm tired of being in failed relationships. I'm tired of going through these cycles that I was going through. And I'm starting to recognize them now. But it took me so long. It don't have to take you that long. Why? Because we're here giving you the information. There was nobody to give us me and Storm that information. You do not have to suffer like we did. There's no point in you suffering like we. We are here telling you how we happened to get through it. Some early, some late. Thank God Storm was able to receive some healing earlier than I did, you know, but we all had let, we all have eventually come to the path of our healing. We had to find somebody to help us understand ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 39:56

And learning about this fight, flight on and tomorrow freeze. We are learning about ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

We're learning about how we have been and what it's gonna take for us to come out of that. That's this is the nexus of healing,

Getting Help With 988 Resources

SPEAKER_00 40:22

really. If you're suffering right now and you don't know where to turn, if you're in in a crisis mode or you you feel like things are dire, situation is real grim, you can call 988. That's the crisis and suicide lifeline. Somebody be on that phone 24-7 to talk to you. If you feel like you're angry and you can't channel your rage and you feel like you're gonna blow up on somebody, call that number. And people can talk to you. They know they know who to direct you to to get you the help you need. Somebody who can help you process it. We all needed that. In some ways or other, you know, it might not be aggression for you. It might be aggression for somebody else. It might be fawning, it might be freezing, it might be flight, but some of us, it might be a couple of those. But the thing is, please, please, please get the help you need. Get the help you need. Receive the help you need. There are always somebody around to lend a helping hand. And I like to say the phrase that I my my coin phrase is help is closer than you think. You call that 988 number, help is gonna be right there. And you that ain't a hard number to remember, is it, Storm?

SPEAKER_04 41:51

No, it's not. No, it's not.

SPEAKER_00 41:53

Real simple. 988, bam. Pick up the phone, 988, three digits. No, two, actually, two numbers. Three digits. 988. That's nationwide. United States, nationwide. I had to get deep on that one for a minute. I'm sorry, but that anger issue thing, that that's a real thing for real. Like with me and my trauma, I was a heavy, heavy fauna type person. I always tried to blend in, be the chameleon to fit in whatever group I was in, because I just wanted to be accepted. I was the abandonment kid. I was the need to be accepted kid. I was the wanting to be loved. I wanted to fit in kid, but I always felt I never felt fit in anywhere. So I always fawned to try to make sure that I could be a part of something that was bigger than me, or some some friendship, or but I always always, I didn't always meet the wrong people. But I did meet the people in the worst ways, I'll put it that way. I had developed an online personality that wasn't even mine. It wasn't even mine. It wasn't me. I made up this personality I thought people might like. The sad part was people did like it. That's the crazy part. But it wasn't me. You know what I'm saying? So I and I was starting to become somebody else that I wasn't. You know what I'm saying? That that was like psychotically, that was kind of mess with me for real. When I got online and I started typing and talking, and or I was on video chats and whatever, I'm this person. When I get off, I'm not that person anymore. I'm somebody else. I'm me. But the me, That I am is the trauma me. You know, the person I created was the trauma me too, but all out. I even had a name, y'all. I created this personality. I called him Freaky Al. Before that, I think, what was my name? Hydrogen Blast or something like that. I think that was my name before that. Black Haiku is another one. I'm telling you, the drama had me tripping, right? Gamer. So I kept Gamer. Huh? Gamer. That's my gamer tag. Yeah, Black Haiku. To this day. Xbox, look it up. I ain't lying to y'all. But um, this realism in healing. And if somebody has experienced the things that I'm talking about, then I know you can resonate with this episode. You can really feel what we we are exploring tonight. And I hope, I hope this message does reach you. And if you feel like you need somebody, you can dial that 988 number to get the help you need. The 988 number is not just a number just so somebody can pacify you. They got resources that you can connect with. They'll connect you with. If you need to talk to a therapist, they can connect you to a therapist. If you already had a psychologist, excuse me, and you lost contact with them, they can connect you to another one. How about that? Or if you feel like you in such a crisis, like you're gonna do something or harm yourself, they can send somebody to the house.

SPEAKER_01 45:46

So you can be okay and make sure you are right.

SPEAKER_00 45:51

So it's not just it's not just, you know, a number, hey, we're doing this. No, it's actually help. It's real help. And it leads to real resource.

SPEAKER_05 46:06

They are they really come out. They are they really come, they really come out and they really they really come out and they really help you.

SPEAKER_00 46:13

You can go ahead. I was drinking some water.

SPEAKER_05 46:16

Yeah, but what I was saying is that what I was saying is that when you call that when you call that number, they won't respond, they won't respond, they won't send somebody out, they will send somebody out to help you if that's what it's needed. To help you if that's what it's needed. Nobody won't come out in person. Nobody won't come out in person, they will.

SPEAKER_00 46:36

They will. See, I ain't just I ain't making that up. Think about it. You might see it on TV. Like, what is it, the 911 thing where they do the call center, and people call in and say, well, I I haven't seen my neighbor or something like that. And then they send the police out there to do a wellness check. That's kind of the same thing. Only it's not 911, it's 988. And they'll still send somebody to you if if you need somebody to that capacity. It's whatever you need. Just don't ask for a million dollars. I'm pretty sure the person on the other end of that line ain't got that like that.

SPEAKER_05 47:15

But well, this is what's gonna save my life. This is what's gonna save my life.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

Right. Well, dang, I need a million dollars to save my life. That sounds like a bigger problem. That's not a good thing. You make a million dollars, you can't make somebody. You running from somebody or something, but uh I digress. I just wanted to say that. I'm here. I'm here. We are here. Me and Storm, we're here for you guys to share our stories. Storm, real quick, we only got like three and a half minutes left. You got something quick you want to say? No, I'm good.

SPEAKER_05 47:53

No, I'm good.

SPEAKER_00 47:56

I ain't trying to put you on the spot or nothing. I'm just trying to see if you you wanted to say something. That's uh, that's uh, you know, you know, you you co-hosted with me, you know what I'm saying? You got a right to talk to if you want to say something interject or whatnot, you know.

SPEAKER_05 48:12

No, I think you didn't think you did a good job. You know, it took over. It kind of took over according to historical dignity, no according to technical dignities, but you know, but you know how to say tonight. I don't really have a lot to say tonight.

SPEAKER_00 48:30

It's okay. It's okay.

Safe Space Reminders And Closing

SPEAKER_00 48:32

Is is hey, for y'all, for y'all uh understanding, this is a judgment-free zone. This is a safe zone. You do not have to worry about being pressured to do anything. I don't ask y'all to make a comment. You're like, you got to make a comment. I don't tell y'all that you you have to respond. I don't say that. I suggest, you know, if you want, you can leave a comment, you can make a suggestion or whatnot. But I'm not saying you have to. You can sit back, you can listen, you can get the information, you can write it down, whatever you need. You know what I'm saying? I just want y'all to be comfortable to keep coming back, to keep getting this information. That's all. That's all. I don't I don't want to pressure anybody. The only thing that I might pressure about is that we need help paying some of these bills. And that's why I send y'all over to Pell Corium so y'all can go and buy some clothes and stuff, so that can come and help pay some of these bills for this. But outside of that, you know, ain't no pressure. You know, I'm not pressuring y'all for that. You know, but um I I thank God for this platform. I thank God for y'all. I thank God that that He's given me this mission to reach out to people to try to get them the help that they need. I'm trying to be the bridge from the person that's hurt to the healer that can give them the healing that they need, the understanding of how to cope. Me and Storm, we're not therapists, we're not psychologists, we're not psychiatric evaluators, we're not counselors, we're not any of that. We're just two survivors who saw the need for other survivors to get the help they need. So this platform is that platform. Okay. Now I'm gonna close it out because we only got 30 seconds left. So I wanna tell y'all that I love y'all, and I thank y'all for showing up. So, self-care isn't selfish, it's the ongoing practice of honoring yourself, and that's what sustains trust. That ends tonight's episode. I want y'all to stay tuned tomorrow as we wrap up the React series with the fourth and final episode, Freeze Living with the Freeze Trauma Response. We love you, Storm and I. Thank you for being here and for being an integral part of the 3T Survivor community. That's Terror to Triumph, if y'all didn't know what the 3T meant. So, anyway, we'll see you tomorrow on 3T. Y'all stay safe and remember help is always closer than you think.

SPEAKER_01 51:27

Have a good night.

SPEAKER_04 51:29

Good night. Good night.